For next summer !

... I hope to see you there !

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I should I would I could

Strangely (or not ?) I have less issues with my homosexuality now than before. Is it due to the fact that I am older or because I accepted it ? It took many years before I feel comfortable with it. Of course I leave in a big city and a very tolerant one. I don’t talk about going hand in hand with your lover and I will not go provoking right extreems wearing pink lycra. We all had our issues at school, the real first experience of life and I will not go back to every little nice word and insult I heard about me or my behaviours, whatever they were. And I understand more gays now ; why you find queers or bears (we can’t help categorizing following your sexual orientation : you also have fetish, leather … but It is another story, I just give you the antipodes) because either you play agressively the woman or you play agressively … the man to cruise with … men of course. But rarely I saw all those groups together mixing outside the what we call here Gay Pride or worldwide known as CSD, Christopher Street Day as a bad memory. I guess after big moments of solitude you’re getting stronger and that helps to carry on with your own perspective. Comes the choice of course of what you really want to show and my biggest mistake was to choose the wrong side : to want to fit the mold (listen to religion, education, looking at Mum and Dad, their look on you, bla bla bla. You hide what you really are and that is why you find so many married men on the parking areas of the motorway waiting to give a blow job : they obeyed the rules of their community (OK, some like it as well …). Once you made your choice and assume it be careful to be with the right people. Years ago I thought I was with the right ones but I noticed after some personal issues that I was with them because I was used as the good ol’ friend, you know, the gay one. Oh this one, yes this one. I was used as a social mark of opened minded people. Look ! we have a gay in our circle ! Aren’t we fantastic ? No Darlin’ you’re definitely not. Once I took conscience of it I turned the action to my advantage and started either to be the funniest guy of the party (without being rude of course or maybe just a bit to show that I can be rough as well), or to be unbeatable on any subject (but It’s hard work) or much funnier to be able to give advices and to talk openly about the positive points of being gay and to show the others they have all wrong and how boring their life is and they are themselves. Strangely I never received invitations again. Some people followed me for a while just to spy but I never carried on contacting them. I had new friends and a new life to realize. Came years of uncertainty, loneliness and search. I made so many mistakes in my life that since a few years I have the feeling it really starts because I am finally myself. And I would need a second life to really live something interesting but I don’t believe in reincarnation. It’s not that I am scarying people but I am not afraid to confirm what the others think about me. I don’t say that I can’t be hurt anymore (moraly and/or physically) but I am prepared ; what I was not in my early age. Nobody tells you because nobody accepts it. So you learn by yourself and once you’re proud of what you are or you show you’re strong enough to fight nobody bothers you anymore about your « differences » (unfortunatly it is the way you feel but why should it be me who’s different ?). I have an example : last Saturday I went swimming. I made a break at the middle of my training (and also because I had a cramp) and a man entered the pool. He had such a big and strong body, you wouldn’t believe : shoulders, slim abs stomach (our nightmare to us, men) little hairy with a tan and very attractive … but legs of 50 cm. Not a dwarf, and his higher body well built, but the lower part very short. When I saw him I was briefly distracted of course but you knew looking at him he will give to all of us a lesson. That’s the moment I always choose to look at the other ones, what’s their reaction. I can very well imagine how it hurts to be watched, fixed … and judged, sometimes with laughs. Once in the water there was no way to compete. He blew all of us even the ones who tried with legs. Respect, man. Some would have chosen to hide. Another one : take my deafs friends : you can’t communicate with me ? no problem, babe, you’re not allowed to come in my group. Aouch ! … that hurts again. One of my colleague learned hands signs. He’s teaching me at coffee breaks. Not that complicated actuallly but the time I sign a word they will either be all gone or dead laughing. I’d rather choose the second option. At least we could laugh together. It’s another side to explore : keeping your proud but to not be afraid of laughing about yourself. It shows you’re accessable and that you know yourself. Also you’re not that stupid arrogant french who believes he rules the world. Maybe It’s a sign of happiness or wisdom. Or I am really getting older.

Burn the book

You heard about german history. In the middle of the city, in the middle of a big square, near a very famous 5* hotel, there is a space, you can't see it because it is underneath the pavement. It is a memorial. At the first sight you're wondering yourself "but what are doing white empty bookshelves under the street" ? It's where they burned the books in 1933. It's a strong image. A bookshelf without books : what happened to them ? they disapeared. They don't exist anymore.

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Mood of the day ...

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If you knew what really would have happened you would have enjoyed more

Whenever I look at children playing together in the train, having fun, making noises, playing around the seats, disturbing the public, of course the first reaction is to be annoyed and to show it to the adults nearby who have responsability. The child can't be wrong. Why ? are we afraid of the reaction of the adult ? are we afraid of the reaction of the child ? we don't want him to cry suddenly and let the other think we're bad (children loooove that game). We don't want him to answer us rudely making us understand we are the fool. The time I make up my decision my mood changes and I prefer to look at them and think that I lost this innocence, this spontaneity that sometimes I should have. When it happens again people around us do not understand. You can suddenly smile mouth opened wide, you can suddenly jump on your feet with a thought, whatever, the others will stare at you and their judgement eye is the strongest because you'll stop immediately. What a shame. But thinking of it closely we never stop being a child. Aren't we excited by the idea that it is nearly our birthday and guess what we'll get ? presents ! Even the idea of buying me sometimes a Kinder Surprise makes me happy (because there is always a surprise inside). Aren't we happy to play with our car on the motorway and do the same games we used to play with our school friends (to stop at the gas station, looking at the engine speaking words of the 5th dimension) ? aren't the girls happy to play with their babies repeating the same as when they played with their girlfriends years before ? Ohh come on if the father approaches the child you suddenly feel the urge to change the pyjama ! look at your work colleague : aren't they happy to report you the last gossip ? or to announce to your supervisor you were late today ? don't they bring everyday some cakes or sweets to play nice ? don't you find some of them spreading some horrible things about you like we used to do at school just because we want your friends too ? I'd rather stay the The little boy in a castle

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Music for Queen Mary

Strike the viol Henry Purcell

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N'est-il pas ?

"A telle enseigne qu'on ne sait plus si son style tortueux et chargé est le symptôme d'un cerveau engorgé de références ou le reflet adéquatement saturé d'une mythomanie omnivore"

La sombra del viento

I don't read a lot. It's true. Not that I don't want to but the choice of a book is by itself difficult. And only the idea of being disapointed makes it harder. At the store there are so many on the shelves that I am tired to read every résumé. Lucky me I have friends and most of the time I read what they suggest me or even offer me for Christmas, Birthday or just because.

I don't read a lot. It's true. Because when I am ready and want to read it's when I am coooollllll in the warmth of my bed, that everything is finally quiet and I am ready to ... fall asleep which I do after 5 minutes reading. Not that I am not interested but just too tired.

But it happens sometimes also that I just can't get enough of the book. Even when my eyes are closing for sleep and I sometimes find my book anywhere in my bed and the light still on after a few hours sleep I just want to know what will come next page.

This happened with the wonderful story of Carloz Ruiz Zafon "La sombra del viento" (Thanks A!). I read it in french so that would be "L'ombre du vent" (thank you to the translators who did not invent another name) and in english logicaly "The shadow of the wind".

I'll make it short : The story starts during civil war in Barcelona. That's maybe also why I was interested with the book because I could easily picture where the actions take place, it makes everything much more "live".

A young boy is taken by his father, who has a book store, in the Cemetery of Forgotten Books, a secret place, known only by few. The boy is allowed to take one book from this place and it will be the book of his life time. He has to protect it. Thrilled by reading it the boy looks for other books of the author and it is the start of a life of adventures, discoveries, danger, love all this implicated in the history of the city and the Franco dictatorship because a devil is also seeking every copy of every book of the author to burn them.

It is a fascinating story. It's never boring. You're moved and your heart feels the joy and pain of the boy, the young man and the man. You feel this so real that you only wish this character will have success in his quest.

This book, I read. Vamos Muchachos !

Naked Boys Singing

I’m not a big fan of musicals. Outside the classics I saw on TV as a kid like « Mary Poppins » or « the sound of music » I was once at « Cabaret » at the theatre. Naked Boys Singing has something particular : They’re naked (yes they are). Nudity in this show is the main subject and the costume. It means that you forget about it because it’s not related to sex. In a way this musical is very tender. Unlike movies which try to show you a moment of a life time either tragically or funny this musical plays scenes of different stages of a gay life. The guys can sing and you focus most of the time of the story they’re singing so again a way not to watch their penis. Because it’s the only thing you are interested. Of course they are all young and beautiful according to the gay standards. But they do it with pleasure. We feel that they enjoy to do this work and more important It’s a team work and that they support each other. I can imagine playing in front of the public naked is something anyone could not do even as an artist. Critics say it’s good. I trust them although I don’t really make my idea with them. Only sometimes on this movie version I am not sure the public is a real one. Or again It’s very american this behaviour of over reacting (too many smiles, too many cries, standing ovation …). And I just regret the lights and special effects that we really don’t need… and they are too many. Your eye sometimes does not even have time to catch the action. Because the guys are the show so we don’t need any other effects. Mayyyybeeee a bit too « religious » for me because they sing about the jew history but I know that for Americans it’s included in their every day life when for French religion is definitly something we’ll hardly show neither talk about.

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Sweat

Today Il pleut and It's week-end so play it slow Baby. You know by now I like to play the anthropologist studying the human and its characteristics and while talking with friends something funny is happening in France and Germany (and in some other countries in Europe) due to the fact that we can't smoke anymore in public places. I know I already talked about it and I said that it would be nice to create spacies for us smokers outside the bars, restaurants discos and I am sure it will become cruising areas. Actually now it seems that it will even go further (open air ?) because the human discovers another unseen part of his body : his smell. Before everyone was unhappy to go out because we knew that coming back home our clothes and the entire body will smell the smoke (but it covered every other ones). There would be a chance that next table someone will seat and lite a cig and will blow the smoke in your eyes (it hurts ...!). Now the behaviour changes. You're first surprised because when you enter the place something is missing : the halo of smoke (gone) then the smell : cold smoke (bad smell) alcohol (ok I'll get used to this one) and sweat (this is no porn). Disco owners are already angry about the non-smoking policy but if in addition they admit that it smells in their place it's the end of it. So it is a fact : the human smells and sometimes it's no rose perfume. I can understand the smell of smoke is not a good one. When my neighbour is going out of his flat to have a smoke on the floor because his girlfriend can't stand it he forgets that the smell is traveling everywhere. Under the door way and it's infiltrating in my place while already going to bed : not good. And I won't talk about the farters. Don't throw me the first stone Darlin' you break wind too. The difference now is that we know you did ! So in this cruel world is there any solution because apparently our States never thought about those reactions ? not sure but it's like when we discovered the oil crisis in the 70's : french advertising said "we have no oil but we have ideas". This time some try to impose their ideas. Not sure if it is only marketing or if it will work but it's worth having a look : some companies specialize themselves in "good" smells. The idea to cover the "bad" smells is to spray in the disco (for example) fragrances. You have surely noticed that now our world has become smelly. You can't enter any shop without smelling something (most of the time their perfume they want to sell). Smelly marketing is taking place. I remember the french car manufacturer Citroën did it with one of his car but I guess had no success. And it is understood because comes straight away another dilemma : to perfume a place It's of course taking the risk that the smell does not pleased all of us. Our nose is very sensitive and is directly linked to our history and emotions. So to conclude not smoking smells but nobody thought instead of replacing smells everywhere just to change the carpetings and hangings. Soon a non-sweating policy ? I'll keep you posted.

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I don't complain, I just explain

I don't really talk about work, not really interesting. But we had a very special week after months of hard work. It's also to give an idea of the gap between both french and german cultures although we are so near. European Community has this wish to make live together so many different populations that I understand why it looks such a mess from outside, nevertheless very strong. But in a way it works. And if I take my near small world I guess it's not easy everyday. When a special event is about to happen you wish to be moraly (at least) supported. Special attention is required and you appreciate that your management comes to say to your team "ok guys, good luck, you've been working hard, we're with you, go for it", or comes in the first day in fire to ask if everything is fine or organizes a french breakfast with croissants just to show affection. That's what expected the team. We spoke about it today. N-o-t-h-i-n-g ! we had nothing. As a french you pay a lot of attention to those details. Not to gain anything, just because, as a matter of respect. It's like all you do is just accepted as normal and the society deserves it regardless the human factor. It's useless. We are still no machines and our facts and figures are ruled because we like what we do. Everytime I look at my team I'm happy to see that we communicate a lot, it's the basis of our good understanding. Trainees, employees, management, all together. Everyone shares and is free to bring any information he thinks for the better. I understand more about the french revolution from 1789 and the meaning of the word. The French does not do the revolution to complain though it is the basis of it but to bring new ideas and to defend them and most of all to bring them to life. The German fights. When I look at the german team it is opposite from us : never shares, keep everything for him(her)self, no friendship, no afterwork apéritif, do things without noticing your colleagues and your bad luck if you missed it (why should I inform you, what does it bring to me ?). And they never stop complaining ... and never act by themselves. There is always someone higher who can take the decision so they have no responsability (ahh ! sorry no, not my mistake, I've been told to do so, did you see the kitchen again ? no one emptied the dishwasher ! but Baby, don't you use the dishes yourself ?) No one believes me from abroad because this country has such an image, and they keep it that way, it's called marketing darlin', that revealing something disturbing for them is puting yourself in isolation tank for ever. They don't work good because they want or like it, they work good because they don't like remarks. We even provoke (well we tried) organizing the breakfast ourselves inviting everyone. Nobody showed up. In the end the team is disapointed and it is sad. But we manage because we know they're like that. They take everything for granted and do not think another way (what are you talking about ?). They ask us to comply ourselves with their behaviour (workwise of course, outside they're happy to find french places to have good food, good wine or good conversations) but this one time only we expected them to understand us, just ... Give me one reason why that did not happen.

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To kill a myth

It's a myth to believe you can drive as fast as you want on the motorways in Germany. It is only true for some portions and be careful because the police is controling very hard (respect the 30 km/h speed limit even in the middle of the landscape). And even when it is allowed for a few kilometers the traffic is so dense you can't enjoy the horses of your engine. You always will find on the way a snail who enjoys his place on the left side. There are also only two lines. Take for example the one from Basel to Hamburg between Freiburg and Karlsruhe, you can forget even to drive more than 100 km/h. The trucks of course, the buses then, and the one who believes his Renault is faster than your Audi. Unlike France where motorways cost a fortune (but I never saw anywhere else in the world so beautiful and secured roads (maybe Switzerland ?) german motorways are a state issue. In France it is a private system and that's why you pay (and again you understand why) but in Germany it is free (and you understand it as well) meaning that there are "work in progress" for hundreds of kilometers. If the winter season is bad they have to rebuild everything. In the end, it never ends. There is also this "Umwelt" policy (only activists care) which means that protect the birds, the trees and your neighbour from smells and noises and you understand the speed regulation 60 kilometers away from the nearest city. And Germans loooove their car. Even when it's clean it needs to be washed. The federalism system of the country allows you to travel by car because you find big cities almost in the whole country, that explains the density of the traffic. So if you expect to play the Fangio, if your car wants to free the full power of its engine, if you think you will race against time, that nobody will put you on your nerves, that you will save money, that you will enjoy the journey, that the weather will be beautiful, that you will find toilets when you need a pee, or a gas station when your car is thursty, my advice, take the train : It's safer, cheaper, you travel everywhere, you even can sleep, toilets is easily reachable, there is a bar, the speed limit is more than 300 km/h (and it caaaaan drive that speed Yeah ! Baby) and you even can bring your bike that you will use once you reached your destination. Maybe as far as the last train to London ?

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Hidden playgrounds

Because I like to wander in the city I sometimes make discoveries for my own pleasure. It can be a park, a bar, a place, an old building, a face in the street, a sign on the wall, anything that catches my eye and I am thankful to the camera to put on screen so I can share all this through "Instantanés". Some people go further and created hidden playgrounds. I discovered this in Franfurt and am happy to see that the idea follows in Berlin. It's not big yet but I wish it will go further because I find the idea very good. It's worth a visit, wherever you are.

Le "Tout"

"... le seul point que vous ayez su éclairer est mon support pour cette conception qu'une révision de la physique du point de vue si gratifiant de l'approche qu'ont Gans, Derichle et Rienman de la topologie et de l'électrodynamique nous autoriserait le luxe non seulement d'une vision plus précise de l'approche de Maxwell et Bolzmann, mais aussi une approche plus directe de la compréhension des principes fondateurs du "tout" ... "

of course ...

Sometimes I just love my language. It can be so hermetic that even if the words mean anything to you you just can't understand the idea and worse can't even relate to anything nor explain whatsoever. I am nearer now of the so called "intellectuals" : they don't understand each other that's why they all talk together !

Benefit party

The party world of the city, the gay one Darlin', is mostly ruled by trans. Those know how to party and we expect them to be at every place we go to have fun. As far as I remember I always knew them so I guess we must have more or less the same age although they know damm well to put make up (and a dress) when I hardly can do my eye brow (even with the shaving machine, it's catastrophy). We feel nevertheless that when after the party we go quietly home and find our "normal" life back, they have to carry on with their "normal" life. Again lucky us in this city there is not too much a problem and when you're used to live at night you don't see the sun anymore (when there is some...) so don't worry about the look of the neighbour . After all those years of occupying the scene they've become more popular and that's why we join most of the time the same parties and you're happy to meet them again. It's like the teacher entering the school class for the first time of the year every year. The students are new and they become younger and younger every year just because you're getting older but your colleagues grow old with you and you say again that it will be a good year. You feel as well that they are in a very small world. They are always together and that is why when anything bad is happening to one of them the other ones show solidarity because they know what it's like. And that is when you take contact with their reality. Let's take the example of Polla Disaster. She's in the city for years and we just learn that she moved back to Poland (her original country) because that is the only place she has health insurance. The system in Germany is quite complicated, heavy ... and very expensive and because she doesn't have any she can't cure her cancer. The benefit party last week at Klub International was for this purpose. Although we had the monthly party at Klub International which is a fabulous place the week before we had to go back to show that we still like to party and have a heart to share. I guess It keeps you running and you don't feel like giving money without return that you always expect. I know people spending money not to show solidarity but to get a tax refund (but this is another story). I only wish that every one at this evening had a little thought for her and that she can join the next party this week-end at Geburtstagsklub "Irrenhouse". I know it looks like party freaks but why not having fun ? It gives good memory, you're with friends and we forget all worries for some hours. This is not too much to ask to be happy.

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In the ghetto

Abend Brot

The advantage of going out for dinner with colleagues you have no special acquaintance with is that you know it will not last long. Especially in Germany where there is no dining out but what they call "Abend Brot", meaning that you don't really have a meal but more like some sandwiches to give you the idea. So don't expect it to last more than 45 mn at the most. I only had a glass of wine and one cig, since we can't smoke inside anymore. I went with the bicycle so I guess I can tell myself at least I did some sport ... They don't have this culture of re-inventing the world each day and talking about sex or politics at the table is just out of the question. And they definitly have no sense of humour. Next time I'll be busy.

no complaints

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The flying Dutchman

It was a time I was afraid to be judged. I guess with the time as we all get older our personality is made and most important we accept it as it is. Of course there will be little changes or some characteristics will become more important. And it also means that finally people have to do with you the way you are. That is the contrary of who you are when you're younger because we all learn from school - family - education - religion ... that there is only one way in life : being in conformity with. I had last night a very interesting conversation with people I met for the first time. I used to work in Barcelona with a dutch guy and we stayed in contact from far when he moved back to Holland. He came for the week-end here with his 3 friends and I had to be introduced to them. There was a time I would have made myself worries about the correct behaviour to have and try to act the good way to please them. This is not the case anymore. Take it like it is or leave it. I know I can hurt sometimes and I accidently did it gain (oups !) but in the end it makes you think. In the end people are thankful because they know you're not playing a role just to be nice. They're younger than I am and straight. Gay world is unknown to them and I had the feeling sometimes that they were studying a rat. One particularly asked a lot of questions. I guess he was tempted and he will one day try. They also have those clichés of life. They're looking all the time for new girls to have sex with. They don't stick to one target, they have tenths. Then they want to get married because they need someone home to clean the shirts and to fix dinner. Of course they want to be a dad because it is politicaly correct and it assures the continuity of the blood line. Dutch people are very nice people. Most of them I know I was always pleased to have contact with but the thing is that they hardly speak of themselves. Also "loin des yeux loin du coeur" meaning that once you don't live next door they're gone. They approved. And started to talk about themselves so I was positively surprised that they trust me. So I was right to be myself. Of course there will not be any following and everyone is back today to his duty. Tomorrow is Mongay again. A nice night at the Rodeo.

It's all about how to communicate

The screen on a new pocket translator from Krown of Fort Worth, Texas, is more low tech, but could have a higher value for many users. It is used to display short video clips showing how to sign any of 4500 stored words in US sign language. "Our mission is to improve the quality of life for people who are deaf and hard of hearing" says Krown. The device should cost around $180 when launched in 3 or 4 months.Barry Fox, New Scientist contributor.

... Thanks to A. now I can communicate with my deaf friends !

Thank you ! besos

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"cook yourself the man of your dreams" (If it was so easy). Actually it's true : it's a cake mixture

Bugcrush

A short film for tonight : Bugcrush (then join with hjsplit )

Selection in Cannes, Sundance, Frameline, Cinevegas, Fantasia and Philadelphia

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It's reversed

Sometimes you think you know everything, your life is done and you have nothing to learn anymore because you are on your way of no surprises.

Wrong.

You're never out of the way of being surprised and from things very near you. It makes you growing up

Two examples :

The last time I went to the US I needed to make twice for a couple of days stops in New Orleans and its region. And I learned what racism is. Actually for me it was an abstract thing because being borned and raised in Paris I always have been in the middle of multi-cultural scenes. Specially in the north of the city where you're traveling North Africa, Africa, China and some other beautiful countries and culture in less than hundreds of meters just by looking at people, smelling the merchandise at the market, debating a price at the flee market, all of those things and I never felt embarrassed, nervous or not at ease. Only out of my country I had this feeling. I remember feeling so uncomfortable on the streets walking fast only by the look of the people because obviously I was not from there (and I was not in the touristic area neither). I understand why people fight against this because it is a feeling that I really don't wish to experience anymore.

Last thursday I went with some friends in Moebel Olfe. With us was a Japanese who spent some holidays with us and the conversations were about the gaps between our cultures. Of course the language and the writing that are hardly accessible. He said that it tends to get better because now you can find some places where some signs in the street or the public transport are now written with our alphabet. I made them laughed explaining that my first arrival in Tokyo airport was a nightmare because where I thought everybody could speak english, nobody could. Then showing to the taxi driver the address of the hotel he just did not understand what was written on the paper. So I had to go back in the airport, finding some Information point and ask the lady to write down in her writting the address so I can reach my place. And it was a good lesson because I carried on doing this system and I even managed to use metro and bus.

At the same evening while chating I noticed right behind me a group of nice guys apparently having fun all together but without a sound : deafs. I couldn't resist and made some eye contacts with some of them and I was surprised that after a short while they wanted me to share their joint or even to have sex. But it's not what I wanted. I just needed to learn a new language. Because I felt lost. And rejected. They don't have a handicap. I have one because I can't communicate with them when they have so much fun and I don't understand a hand movement. It was late, I went home. End of the story. For this night. Because last saturday after unfructuous way outs (islandic concert ok, club 103 really not my fav) I went back to Kino International because it's a good party, it was already early morning and I can walk back home which is for me something to remember specially lately when the weather is so rainy and icy that the whole center is an ice-skating place. And I met my deaf group again. But they really live in another world or they just don't want you to come in it. Frightened of new sensations or feelings, new experiences ? Or can't I just show I'm friendly and I try to take contact. At this phase I don't really need any science fiction movie to remember how to make smoke signs to express myself, I am in the fifth dimension because It's surreal. And again I just did not know how to handle the situation. Should I concentrate my efforts to only one or try with the whole group. Lucky me I was helped by my good friend M. who's most of the time with me out and he had a little more success to be understood. So I took another glass of wine (I know I shouldn't, it's so bad but I still can't mix) and sit down for a while. I couldn't help thinking how I could handle a relationship. Should I learn hand language (yes, of course), will I be accepted by the group (not that sure), how to handle from my side with my friends (I spontaneously thought what about an evening dinner for which he could not participate when I want sometimes everybody together) ? a lot of questions for which I just have no answer. I tried to explain asking one of the group who seems to be the leader that maybe it could be nice to meet privatly but he refused "saying" that he will stick to the group. In the end man is an animal. He needs to be tamed. So if I ever meet those guys again I guess we'll have to compromise to learn each other and then maybe find a way to communicate.

Sin city

Sometimes I wonder why the city is so famous. It's freezing cold here, the city has nothing special compared to some other cultural destinations, locals are not that friendly (though they tend to get better and never forget you are in a country previously rules by the Stasi ) but questioning my friends why I can here every possible language on the street they just answered because it's party time 24/7. And it makes sense. Escaping from a party at 6.00 in the morning I remembered people queueing outside to come in. I heard this argument once at the terrace of a bar between foreigners "adapting" themselves to the rythm of the city and an old german man walking the dog about saying something here that it is Sin of the city. Nevertheless you will notice after a while that despite everything you'll hear it's everywhere the same except that in Berlin you can party anytime following your rythm and most of all with your own taste because you're sure to find a place matching your taste. But that means also that you'll be back at the same place at the same time. You will notice soon that if there is a success party it will last forever ... or disapear without notice. I re-discover with pleasure that Chantal house of shame still exists after all those years. Following the new building plan of the city it changed location I don't know how many times but Chantal finds always nice locations (and this last one I don't complain at all because it's round my corner) and the party people follows. Those ones do not change much neither except we all grew older but I am pleased to notice in the crowd faces I know. It gives a taste of timeless (if there are no mirrors around of course) but the project never changed. The party does not start too late, there is a show (last thursday was Herr Frau & die Glitterbomben) music is ok and the wine is fresh and tasty compared to some other places I tried. It's also a good training for the forthcoming week-end. Tonight at Kaffee Burger (if you want to meet Russians it is the right place) we will start with an icelandic group Bardukha to warm up maybe with a bit of vodka of course and then carrying on with Club 103 again in Kreuzberg where we will join the "Lez is more" french party. As a good French I will not forget that tomorrow is also 3 Kings' day so I'd better hurry to find where I can buy my galette des rois.

It's not happening

Sometimes you just want to please people. Not because you want to but because you just say yes without thinking and the minute you're saying it, you regret because you know at least if it will not be a bad time it won't be a good one. It happens every year the same : let's take for example the New year's Eve. Mid-december everyone enjoys about the invitation they will receive and at the last minute no-one shows up or cancels. It happens actually all the time. I knew that tonight will not be good and I don't really appreciate to feel the need most of the time to play my role of entertaining people when it's no fun. I guess it shows. And sometimes people just do not fit together. Too much differences of culture, lives, age, relationships and awaitings from life. I am always amazed as well of people who are 20 years younger than I am to be so boring and sad. Even the places they choose do not invite you to have a good time. Everytime I say I should decline but the little devil of mine asks to give it a try because we never know. But it's not true. I had more fun yesterday when I joined a couple of friends in Moebel Olfe trying to have a "conversation" with deaf people (very nice group by the way, I wish I will meet them again) than with "well educated" others that don't even look at me when I force myself to engage a conversation. I guess I simply should not but I'm a nice guy and I believe there is always something interesting in each and everyone. I'm just wrong. I really should concentrate on me myself and I. And that's the moment I choose to say goodbye because I'm bored and I really have something else to do. At this very moment I need to go out by myself just to calm down and be incognito anywhere. It's a moment for myself.

But the fun is gone and I feel a bit sad. So the best thing to do is either go to the gym or to bed. Most of the time the second option is best. But it feels like missing good time. Lucky me it's week-end. Let's see the next surprise.

It's show time

I never was a big fan of series, outside of my youth when I couldn't take off my eyes of "the bionic woman" (the original one, please Darling, I just wanted to run like her slowly, all motion decomposed in a feminine and seducing way) or "Charlie's angels" because I loved the cars they had, or even "The thunderbirds" because Lady Penelope had a wonderful pink Rolls with plenty of gadgets ... and a chauffeur. Outside of those nothing really I found interesting when all friends talk about famous TV shows. Except that Dexter has a little plus that already teased me. The story, first. I needed to see how they will turn a nice guy into a serial killer and that story will last long enough 2 series. Second, there will not be a third part and that is what I appreciated the most because I knew from the start I will not have to wait years to get any no-end. Third, the people you know from the pilote, you keep until the end except rare "guests". And no violence (unlike the story lets supposed it), no big special effects, no sex, no moral. And that is somehow refreshing because for a long time the writter does not give you the way to follow. You have to make up your own mind. The main character you already know him from Six feet under and he's playing this time more with his body (and that is good so). It's also good that with each episode you have a story completed. Not that you're not curious what will come next but you still enjoyed this episode. It's also long enough for you to be able to wait for the next one. Each of it lasts one full hour and you get the feeling you went to see a movie. Furthermore even if the rythm is quite slow you're not bored. You're happy to share the feelings of this guy because in a way he looks like me and you. He speaks himself in his head and thinks exactly opposite of what we expect him to deliver. And it is also nicely made, Miami seems nice and quite (when you know the city, it's not reflecting at all the truth, but you don't need to be de-concentrated). If you look at it, only one thing remains the same from start to end : the clothes he wears when he's doing his "business". But on the contrary of the character explains, he has more feelings than some other people I know. So enjoy the show. If not please switch off and go outside.

Liberté toujours

With New Year comes in 2008 in many european countries another measure that is as well very important : the non-smoking policy in public places. It exists already in some countries. If I recall well Ireland was the first country of the European Community to establish this law but far after the US and California the headmaster. I remember visiting a friend in Dublin and it took me by surprise that 1) we had to go for dinner at 7.00 p.m. (everything is closed by midnight or so) and 2) I had to smoke outside. When you know what’s the weather like in this country suddenly you’re becoming less smoky. In Spain or France I never had troubles because you can smoke almost everywhere so I just had to avoid the non-permitted areas. A few weeks ago I was in Frankfurt. Germany has this particularity that because of its federalism any « Land » can establish a delay to apply the law. That is why here in Berlin it only starts officially today when in Nordrhein-Westfallen it’s done a long time ago. And it took me by surprise a second time. I was visiting A. and when we entered the restaurant I knew something was unusual. Of course : no smoke flying in the air, no smell of cold ashes on the walls, only good food smells. But it didn’t disturb me that early and should I say I was even pleased to have the real taste of meat, vegetables and wine in my mouth. It became an issue later that night when we carried on going out and at this very moment I wished to lit a cig and I couldn’t. So what’s now ? Becoming nervous because the drug is missing ? going out of the bar in that cold and smoke so quickly I don’t even enjoy it ? No fun. That is at this very moment you notice your addiction. And it hurts. I had this debate with friends and colleagues and we smokers agree that this non-smoking policy is a good thing. I don’t see why I should impose to my non-smoking friends nd other people in the place anything they prohibit. But we need to see the other side : why should I be banned because of my habit ? and that is why something must be done for us, smokers. We need to find ways to allow us to smoke without disturbing the non-ones and in respect of the law. I already noticed that somes bars created some « area for smokers » outside with heat and tables which I find a very nice attention. Furthermore it gives us the possibility to avoid for a moment noise and conversation you don’t want to follow. So now is created a new way of meeting people because you have no choice than to be together and why not starting the conversation ? I feel it very good and it will become very interesting when the season will turn sunny and warm when the non-smokers will want to come outside. Why don’t we park them inside in their smoke-free places like they wanted it and let us enjoy the warmth of the evening drinking a nice glass of wine and breathing the smoke of my fellows cigarettes ... Petit à petit feu ?

Time for ski

It's officially the New Year. The festivities are over, we ate, drank and partied a lot so now it's time for soup and water. Because A. had to take the train this afternoon I went at the main station Hauptbahnhof and it started to snow.

Snow for the first day of the year