Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Duchess

The Duchess is a costume drama film based on Amanda Foreman's best-selling biography of the scandalous, 18th-century English aristocrat Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire. It was released in September 2008 in the UK. Originally to be directed by Susanne Bier. The Duchess was directed by Saul Dibb. Set at the end of the eighteenth century, The Duchess is based on the life of Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire. While her beauty and charisma made her name, her extravagant tastes and appetite for gambling and love made her infamous. Married young to the older, distant Duke of Devonshire, intimate of ministers and princes, Georgiana became a fashion icon, a doting mother, a shrewd political operator and darling of the common people. But at the core of the story is a desperate search for love. The film delves into Georgiana’s passionate and doomed affair with Earl Grey and the complex love triangle with her husband and her best friend, Lady Bess Foster. I have the movie in 2 parts with subtitles in whatever language but It's not disturbing. Enjoy The Duchess part 1 and The Duchess part 2.


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Time goes by now very quickly, I noticed. It is a real luxury (and pleasure) to let time go by, listening music, making a new coffee, watching snow melting from the roof windows. Yes, It started to snow in Berlin this week. The Christmas markets will soon open. It’s every year the same. You’re expecting Christmas season to begin and you enjoy as much when It ends because you just can’t stand it anymore. Last week, after being to the pool on Friday evening because It was closed during the week-end (championships) I went with a friend at Grosse Freiheit. It was packed as usual but though a lot of people come there for sex, I still enjoy having a drink (or more) from time to time because It is unformal, the drinks are cheap and you can smoke. Saturday, a friend called to ask to join her for dinner because she had friends coming from abroad but I answered I’d rather join them a bit after for a drink. We all met at the Avastar Bar in Kreuzberg, where they play live music and after a while, the mood went up and we decided to join the party of the day at Aquaritter's “15 Jahre Pyonen”. This a place that you don’t know It exists in the city until you’re among the happy few who know the place and give you the tip. I went for the first time last year for the 5 years anniversary party of Moebel Olfe and I remember, I already found the place amazing. It is an old factory, empty on the ground floor and party events happen there once in a while. It’s written nowhere when something is happening. Nevertheless It’s always a success because hundreds of people arrive to enjoy. It’s friendly until people get too drunk or drugged, as usual, and after a while there is so many people in the places (two dance floors and a lounge), you can’t even go though the (tiny) doors. You get the feeling to fight to have your way. The music was amazing and I was ready to stay longer but unfortunately one of the guys took ecstasy, was high for a time and then was down, and really down. His girlfriend began to get angry, she could not find her man in the crowd anymore, we got involved, we were quickly fed up and so It was time to go home, the mood was gone. I put the girls in a taxi and reached my bed. Sunday was planned a nice evening at the Volksbühne. When I was living at the corner, I never went but always had the idea, one day, to attend a show. Most of them are theatre, that I avoid because of the language, but this time It was modern dance, in English. A mix of dance and dialogs. The motto of the piece can be resumed with the word of Rivane Neuenschwander “I try to exercise loss, but that does not necessarily mean that I am able to accept it”. From my point of view, who have no special skills to understand what’s on the stage, I did not understand spontaneously and It was a bit difficult, though interesting and I liked Maybe Forever. We were lucky enough sometimes, to have some live music of Niko Hafkenscheid, though melancholic folk, which brought distraction. I agree that the mood was rather sad and with the weather now in Berlin, almost always grey, It did not add any colours in our life. I loved the first act, though almost completely dark that hurt my eyes, but I found the music good and this dance of two bodies joining and separating each other, well done. Then comes the live music and the second part starts, and you understand that the rest of the piece will be the quest of two lovers, who try to recall their past love without success. “Can you make wishes ? can we do it together, so we don’t need to listen to each other”. Then the next week began with all its everyday worries and It started to snow on Thursday, inauguring the winter season, that I officially declare open because now It is really cold and windy. Time to make new coffee.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


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Wedding canceled because of intrusive stepmother. Italian justice considered that it is a sufficient and legitimate motive. After separation, ex-husband is thinking of having his next wife orphan. The Italian obtained the cancelation of his wedding because his stepmother too obsessive behaviour. The 36 old man explained in front of the religious tribunal from Salerne that he concluded, before the weddingm a pact with his to-be spouse, stating that his step-mother should not interfere with the couple’s decisions. From his point of view, this pact has not been respected, the mother of the spouse interfering too much in their life. On this basis, the religious tribunal allowed the cancelation, validated by the civil tribunal. “Wedding last only 4 months but It was hell. I thought stories about mean step-mothers were only legends but I was obliged to change my mind” tells the man. “After our breaking, I even thought of finding a mother orphan mother”. “My mother is not an intrusive one, only a mother who takes care of her daughter” answers the ex-wife. “My ex-husband never took care of me, neither of my daughter. The months that last our union have been terrible because of the unacceptable behaviour of the man who should have loved me and respected me".
Comment … : The husband was wrong not to fuck the step-mother !

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


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Body language

It's a fact that our taste changes along the years. I understand that on the internet, you find more youngish school boys, skinny, bonny and without hair than normally builded muscular guys. It's probably their success is due that after 40, you start to look veeeery far away your youth and sometimes you even want to play the daddy when boys look for a sugar daddy. This frontier of 40 is amazing. I'm part of it now and really happy about it. Frankly said, best time of my life, ever (if you avoid the every-days issues, of course). I mean, It's not that easy to climb my 5 floors stairs and I go up to my roof sloooowly. And I'm always out of breathe when I put the key in the door. Ok, I know I'm a heavy tar smoker and I should stop soon if I want to keep on breathing, simply as that. But when I meet my neighbour at the entrance door, dog in the arms, he still climbs the stairs 2 by 2. This is a perfect moment for me to say just a few words and let him pass before me. When you're at the start of your active life, professionnaly and sexualy, once you become on your own assuming yourself, you start to learn about life and do not pretend to be a physical God because you don't need to. It's natural. That's probably what hurts when we spend hours at the gym to keep yourself in good shape and never reach the point when you can say yourself : yep, I'm done. And when you meet a guy you're attracted to, does it mean you want to have him or you envy him by its casual look that makes you shiver ? Actually both. That's why you want to go further. This is a very gay attitude. No straight man would think the same looking at a woman. He wants to touch the tits, no to have them. It is still nevertheless much appreaciated when you receive compliments from someone looking at you and starts the conversation. It might be a way to approach you but It feels very good inside. All these efforts for, at least, something, even if you're not interested in the guy. Just because of that, you'll give him a chance ... to talk to you. But the body has Its limits. There is a certain point, whatever you will try, outside medication let's say, your body will refuse to go. My English friend used to say to me that I am "above average". I guess from her mouth, It's a compliment but It surely says that, although in pretty good shape "for my age", I'm not the one you will stare at, saying yourself "this one's not for me, he won't even look at me, I'm invisible". Possibly not true. It's a matter of attraction. My German friend M. is dating since a couple of weeks a man I would never thought, would have give him a glance. But actually this man finds my friend incredibly attractive. So I'm happy for both of them, of course. I say that, with the years, like your body is evolving continuously, your taste follows. When I was younger, I was even skinnier than I am today. I had no stereotypes in mind neither men I absolutly wanted as mine. I just let it flow and sometimes It worked, sometimes not. I was in a long-term relationship pretty young without even thinking of it and was happy about it. So my experience is not as a consumer but more likely as a voyeur. Watching my so called friends back in those years, I must say I never envied them. When they were turning around my man, I showed my claws and they got afraid. This is jealousy, which is a bad feeling. You can't help it and it hurts. I am more relax now and I'd trust the man I'd be with, enough to remind him I'm the one in charge and going to watch on the other side of the mirror is not recommended. The pact is settled and once It's said, let's live happily for the time It lasts. Now that I am on the "wrong" side of aging, I notice my taste does not go to younger people. I feel comfy with men of my own age. I was at a housewarming party the other day where men and women from their early 20's to past 40 (me, I'm almost always the oldest one) were there. That bitch in the kitchen, already drunk, maybe 20, while I was pouring me another drink, asked me : "how old are you ?" "42" "Oh, no, It can't be true, so ooooooooold, and you haven't any children ? Berlin does you good". I took it bad, you can imagine, but It made me realize as well the gap there is between the youngs and people my age. I am happy to say that experience and life in general teaches you good things and particularly not to snap the face of an hysterical young girl. It teaches you as well that sometimes, you have to let it go because you know inside yourself, you're better than her because you learned. Young have everything to learn, specifically attitudes, when you in the middle of the crowd, you just enjoy your time, at least the rest of it. Now my body changed in a normal shape and I never was interested in big muscled guys because they are not reachable. Understand me well : not that reachable, sexwise, but because I'll never reach their goal at the gym. It's like the fantasy of this man from the 70's, beautifully naturally muscular, a man body with hairs, who is transformed today in a body building too tanned without hairs, anywhere. That is to say, I evoluated another way. Lucky me, I don't have to train too much and keep eating and drinking as I please. It's a fact that when you try to reach the target of being like the other ones, you always want more, and in the end when the 6 packs abs are on your body, you have no other solution than to carry on : good luck. And at the disco, when they all take off their t-shirt, I feel sad because they all look the same : booooring. And definitely not an inch of sex-appeal. Come on, Babe, let's grab another drink with a lot of sugar, when the other athlets will drink only water (pills, maybe ?). Avoiding competition, you want to meet someone who is rather likely like you because you don't have to admire his body in front of the mirror along the day. And please, go out of this bathroom ! I guess all this gym culture perverts in a way the gay culture because you always want to look better, younger, healthier, when you do perfectly fine with the things your genes gave you.

Monday, November 10, 2008


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I am not afraid of meeting men. I am not afraid neither to ask them to go out. I am not afraid of going out with a nice guy whenever I meet one. I am not afraid of inviting him at home and spend the rest of the afternoon / night / week-end at home if it’s worth to. I am afraid of what comes next. As long as it is a sex story, all fine. We went last night to “warm up” at Laboratory (under Berghain, only for men and dress code to pay attention of) and there you can have sex just because you’re there and you’ve come for that. Then we ended up at Berghain because I was bored and I don’t like darkroom. It’s dark (!!) and I like to see and learn about people than meeting his dick. People seem sad and consuming flesh without feelings makes me cry. This guy I met the other day : I asked him to come out of the metro as I had to change station, just because he smiled and I decided spontaneously to give it a try. And it worked. He followed, quick chit chat, he’s a tourist so it’s a one night stand. We went out together last night and it went very well. He just left and I can’t help thinking “what if …?”. It’s not “could he be the one ?” because even if we can go well along together we live in opposite worlds. His travel book testifies. Even if it does not happen very often, when it does, it hurts in the end but can’t help doing it. Just for the pleasure of it, feeling man flesh and breathing it. I don’t bite unless I’m asked to, but discovering a new body, weaknesses and pleasures, is a great source of satisfaction. On the contrary, if you promise to call back, I expect you to do it. The other time, another guy starts to talk to me at the supermarket. Nice chat on the way home and we gave each other our phone number. He said “I’ll call you, promise”, and never did. I talked about it at an evening dinner with German and they confirmed what I thought. First, men are afraid to discover themselves. Letting someone entering your world does not seem an option and that explains certainly why sex places are famous here. No talk, no self confidence, no strings attached. Next, please. Second, men think that on the next corner, another guy will fit better the tasks list. So, as a “guy next door”, you have no chance. After a while, you just don’t think about him anymore, nevertheless, there is a feeling of betrayal, somehow. Strangely, I noticed in my personal life, betrayal is part of it. I’ve been through it many times when I never thought this could happen to me. How can someone you trust can hurt you for his own purpose ? I’m learning everyday and even if I do mistakes, I assume and sometimes, apologize. It seems that 2008 will end up with less friends than in the beginning of the year, sadely, but on the other hand, new friendship begins. So, is this only an everlasting start ? People come and go in your life and only a “happy few” remain with you forever ? I know we are all in constant evolution, so I guess after a while with some people, the recipe is not functioning anymore. Even at work, sometimes, you have to be so diplomatic, taking care of not hurting your colleagues. But It ends always the same. For whichever reason, one day you just say what you think, or you ask a task to be done with the wrong words or ton. When everything should go simply, human has this ability to bounce in your face what is less expected. Creating a temper at work is traumatic. And when you know you stay with those people the biggest part of your day, taking care of your feelings is “hard work” and takes a lot of energy. And you don’t see those events appear. But I’ll manage. Life is not work. What counts is what you make outside. Berlin, at this very moment, is strangely warm, 15°C, which is for us unusual. Normally at this period of the year, I remember having seen snow. The city starts slowly (but surely) to prepare itself for Christmas and It’s a drama. People begins to think about it when we still have a lot of time to organize the party and the gifts. Let’s open a window again for a little while and breathe some evening's fresh air.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Things you can tell ...

This is one of my favorite movie, ever. I find in it so much of our suburban life, things we live everyday and can't explain. It is strange how life in the city is so different. Is it really the big city that makes us so confused and feeling sometimes lonely ? Anyway, very nice portraits of women, wonderfully interpreted. I like as well when the characters, normally without any connection possible, meet each other by chance. "Exquisitely acted…an understated eloquent film." -The New York Times. Touching, compelling and original, Things you can tell only by looking at her spins a brilliant tapestry of interwoven vignettes. Starring Oscar winner Holly Hunter, five time Oscar nominee Glenn Close, Golden Globe winner Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) and Golden Globe nominees Cameron Diaz (Charlie's Angels), Amy Brenneman (Judging Amy) and Kathy Baker (Picket Fences), this "really special film" ("Ebert & Roeper and the Movies") is an absolute "triumph" (Mirabella). In the heart of L.A., six extraordinary women have come to an emotional crossroads: A talented young detective (Brenneman) struggles with loneliness, an ambitious bank manager (Hunter) contemplates motherhood, and a successful doctor (Close) confronts her spiritual emptiness. At the same time, a blind teacher (Diaz) searches for love, a middle-aged writer (Baker) grapples with prejudice, and a gifted fortune-teller (Flockhart) grieves for her dying lover. Poised between fear and hope, each woman must weigh the choices she's made - in order to meet the future unfolding before her.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


The concert given by Hélène Grimaud at berghain and organized by Yellow Lounge was amazing as expected. Mostly Bach was played that evening and the place, though an old electricity factory, gave Its soul to the music. The light show which went with it added to the atmosphere. Lucky us the two bars of the first floor were opened and the smoking lounge as well. So this was a good suprise and I will return anytime soon. Tonight is 2-4-1 at the bar in my area. Himmelreich is a cosy friendly gay bar and because Friedrichshain is not that touristic as Mitte, you have good chances only to meet people of the neighbourhood. Friends called earlier to ask me If we could meet for a couple of drinks, so I might join. No heated terrace tonight as the weather is foggy since 3 days but the smoking room in the back is big enough to allow us to be all together. Maybe until late.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Hélène Grimaud

This evening at the Yellow Lounge will play Hélène Grimaud with DJ's Canisius and Mclyntock and guess where ? at berghain. Because she is in Berlin, Hélène Grimaud will also play her piano at the Philarmonie a few days later, November 10th. I personaly think today is more interesting because we have no clue of the program and especially with the mix with electronic music. I guess the live act will be worth and I expect, despite the bad weather, a lot of people waiting outside. The location is of course amazing if you don't know it already and if they use the sound system, the evening is full of promises. Hopefully the bar is open too.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


It's the beginning of the month, everyone's got paid, It's time to start the party tour. Tonight Klub International celebrates its 9th birthday. This is pretty long for a party in Berlin but It is true, the location is exceptional, big enough to find your style... or to travel rooms and bars to make a change and see different people. Last year their birthday, I must say, It was worth the visit.