Samedi soir

It's always the same at the disco. When you arrive, the music is already on loud and the people start to come in. Your feeling is that "tonight I'll meet Brad Pitt". But in the end you'll finish with Quasimodo. Well ... for most of us. Because there are beautiful people on this earth. It's just not your taste. At least not everytime. I like to arrive early. Tonight I was too early. It was freezing cold inside but I had the time to warm up with some G&T. The party went very well with good music and shows. The go-go's were happy married couples who like to show off with their fat outside, rather unusual. The thing is, if you got lucky you'll meet the man of your dreams and then ... meet his beautiful "wife". Isn't it ironic ? but it's reality. The ones you want are never receptives, and you do the same as well probably without noticing.

It's nice to feel as well when the party is over although the music keeps on playing and people feel the urge to meet someone before it's too late (too early ?), either for the night and for the week-end because it's already sunday morning and we haven't ... whatever. That's probably why when the dance floor is emptying itself because the music is suddenly too loud, your eyes can't stand the lights anymore, you feel a lack of rythm (normal, we all need always more), your human target(s) is (are, you let yourself "opened" with various possibilities) gone, the walls start to sweat on your head, the floor is sliding of humidity-beer, you're falling on empty bottles ... it is time to go ... in the darkroom. I feel it sad and non-exciting. I noticed that we are excited by the fact to have sex, which is anatomical, but again it is related to this sensation that the "one" will be there and ask you out (because you don' t dare asking first nor smiling). It just does not happen. We're there to have cheap and quick sex, don't ask-don't tell, and if after we meet at the bar we don't even recognize each other. Most of the time guys do group sex, or they look. Our behaviour regarding sex has changed, I hope for the good. We've become more voyeur than actors because of the power of our religion, education, history and HIV serology (+ all those "little" diseases that are in every mouth or any other part of the body). The difference comes from the youngs who have no knowledge of good behaviour with sex. They were not born when it all started, the fear of no cure, the deads and contamination among our friends (of course it never happens in the family, can't be...), and they act like we did in the 70's and early 80's. Wrong. But I am very sad that they are not warned by my generation to tell them. Worse : they are pushed to do so.

Well anyway, as usual, it's too dark, I bumped into men, this is true, but as I said we just look at each other (must be my fluorescent spot on my nose and my only eye in the middle together with my blue antenas) and after minutes, I'm bored and go back to the bar and I need to pee. Because it is no "golden shower" party, please use the toilets and not the floor, thank you. It's certainly the place the most interesting outside the lounge and the entrance. You still can hear the music, you can easily look at everyone, even closer sometimes, it's not that sweaty anymore, and you stopped phantasying about the faces because no make-up resists under the white lights after 5.00 a.m. in a disco, darling, trust me. So you see the real me but I see the real you ! And suddenly you're thinking what is all this worth, you go back to the garde-robe picking up your coat and put you in the middle of what is still the cold night, under the rain, walking alone disapearing in the fog, thinking about only one thing : "what's the next party?" !