Rush

After the rush of the last weeks, I start to cool down. Even if I am very tired and need a lot of sleep, I’m happy with what has been achieved, personally and professionally. I am so down lately that I canceled all my dining out for the next days because your body sometimes warns you that maybe you’re pushing a bit too much. You notice then you’re growing older. It’s not that easy anymore to manage all together and on an intensive rhythm : working hard, managing private important matters, going out every night, smoking, drinking, partying. You start to not feel that well, your back hurts, you’re moody, the wine tastes sour, your throat doesn’t accept the smoke, you can’t talk loud as you used to do, you lose appetite, your heart reacts and the beats are going too fast. When I hear my body requesting help, I know It’s time. People will carry on without me so It’s me who will not have the same fun for the next weeks. The fridge is empty since days so It is time to go back to the market, choosing healthy fresh and simple food, I cook at home, having time to solve issues I let down for a while, I go to bed early and sleep for a long time. It’s easy actually to let you go partying all time. Strange how you accommodate for almost everything. But I feel quieter now. I still have 2-3 weeks with hard work and then I will take a break. Before the end of the month I will turn 42 and I think this is the best time of my life, ever. When people complain about everything (and I did too for years) because the job is too demanding, the money is bad, private life is not what is expected, you get the feeling you’re achieving nothing and you feel unhappy. On my side I reach a kind of serenity. I don’t need the rush I had years ago. I have a job that pays the rent and the food, allows me to go out, my body is OK (touching wood !), I have wonderful friends to count on, I meet new people who open perspectives. It’s like an achievement I tried to reach for decades. Looking at the window I’m listening my nice heart beating, having a rest and waiting for the next adventure. Being at the pool, looking at the parents taking care of their children, I don’t feel an insufficiency as if I missed something to not have my own family. I know nobody will take care of me later on because I am the last one with my name and that is why I start to think about the future and try to organize things, just in case. Then I can enjoy my life. Like a Flame.