43

Last July I turned 43. It’s a lot regarding what I achieved until now and It is nothing regarding what is yet to be done. Over the last years many events happened and I had to face them all. When I thought my world was perfect, it collapsed. I left Paris after have lived so many beautiful years, my friends, my family. I arrived in Berlin in the early 2000’s and It’s been a very hard time, being almost not compatible with this People, certainly due to our big differences. When the cup was too full, I left again and restarted, again, in south of France, to be clear with me and the administration, because to evoluate in a well-known system is much easier than to discover a new one, which I did not even a year after, being sure having done a big mistake and leaving for Barcelona where I had to adapt a new time. Everyone would say to you that It was so easy, which is true, but It is to carry on and try to grow in this city that is hard. Probably I was too hungry but I didn’t feel at ease and when Berlin passed by my life a new time, I did not hesitate and prepared my return, 2 years ago. I don’t regret it at all. In this short time, I established myself comfortably. I moved after a year from my studio to a 3 rooms flat in another area, much nearer from work where I go everyday with the bike, even when It snows so hard. I made new friends as well, because I go out a lot, and not afraid of failure, you can’t please everyone. I keep on thinking that in the end, there is nice people everywhere. I have found a nice bar round my corner where the wine is good. I remember, years ago, being always unsatisfied with the life I had. It’s like when one step was accomplished, to go further I had to renew the complete scene. Today is exactly the opposite. I guess It belongs to the age, maybe It belongs to the fact that I really found the place to stay, maybe It belongs to the fact that I made mine what my good friend told me once “It’s about time for you to be satisfy with the things you have”. And I have everything I need now. If you remember the movie “The war of the Roses”, at the beginning, when all is done, the character played by Kathleen Turner touches the pillow of the sofa just to give it a twist of non-perfection. And then she starts to get bored in her life. I used to be like that: When It was achieved, I crushed the cushion and started to look for something else, somewhere else. Today is exactly the contrary. I feel complete. No need to look after something else. It’s not that I am not ambitious anymore but life runs. And It runs faster and faster. Since my return to Berlin, I’ve got the feeling not to have achieve a lot outside the painting of the walls and going out a lot (maybe too much). But It belongs to the city to go out a lot. The offer is so big that It never comes to an end. Berlin is also so attractive now that friends want to visit it and my flat is never empty since last March. And once people discovered the city, they come back. Outside of that, you work everyday, sometimes you just want to lay on your sofa with the remote control in one hand and a glass in the other (I try to quit smoking). The major thing is to carry on establishing myself in the city. Compared to others, I have a big chance : I’m French and from Paris. You might find that strange but they like it here. My accent sounds for them so nice (“charmant” in German text) when I find it absolutely ugly. Thanks to the German friends I have, I could make connections to other people and suddenly my circle went big. Now I feel sorry not to have enough time for each and everyone each and everyone but I manage to meet them. I re-discovered the pleasure of making dinners at home, now that I have enough space (and the furniture !) to introduce people who don’t know each other, and that makes the event more interesting. So I manage to organize myself a very peaceful life that I deserve after many years of wandering and research. I guess I have my feet on the ground now. I am even afraid in a way to be too happy, especially since I realised I have the job, the house … and the boyfriend since some weeks (It’s getting serious). A friend told me that you never can be too happy when you have happiness in your life, well, just keep it. It means that after a long way, you are rewarded. My one and only thrill