Body language

It's a fact that our taste changes along the years. I understand that on the internet, you find more youngish school boys, skinny, bonny and without hair than normally builded muscular guys. It's probably their success is due that after 40, you start to look veeeery far away your youth and sometimes you even want to play the daddy when boys look for a sugar daddy. This frontier of 40 is amazing. I'm part of it now and really happy about it. Frankly said, best time of my life, ever (if you avoid the every-days issues, of course). I mean, It's not that easy to climb my 5 floors stairs and I go up to my roof sloooowly. And I'm always out of breathe when I put the key in the door. Ok, I know I'm a heavy tar smoker and I should stop soon if I want to keep on breathing, simply as that. But when I meet my neighbour at the entrance door, dog in the arms, he still climbs the stairs 2 by 2. This is a perfect moment for me to say just a few words and let him pass before me. When you're at the start of your active life, professionnaly and sexualy, once you become on your own assuming yourself, you start to learn about life and do not pretend to be a physical God because you don't need to. It's natural. That's probably what hurts when we spend hours at the gym to keep yourself in good shape and never reach the point when you can say yourself : yep, I'm done. And when you meet a guy you're attracted to, does it mean you want to have him or you envy him by its casual look that makes you shiver ? Actually both. That's why you want to go further. This is a very gay attitude. No straight man would think the same looking at a woman. He wants to touch the tits, no to have them. It is still nevertheless much appreaciated when you receive compliments from someone looking at you and starts the conversation. It might be a way to approach you but It feels very good inside. All these efforts for, at least, something, even if you're not interested in the guy. Just because of that, you'll give him a chance ... to talk to you. But the body has Its limits. There is a certain point, whatever you will try, outside medication let's say, your body will refuse to go. My English friend used to say to me that I am "above average". I guess from her mouth, It's a compliment but It surely says that, although in pretty good shape "for my age", I'm not the one you will stare at, saying yourself "this one's not for me, he won't even look at me, I'm invisible". Possibly not true. It's a matter of attraction. My German friend M. is dating since a couple of weeks a man I would never thought, would have give him a glance. But actually this man finds my friend incredibly attractive. So I'm happy for both of them, of course. I say that, with the years, like your body is evolving continuously, your taste follows. When I was younger, I was even skinnier than I am today. I had no stereotypes in mind neither men I absolutly wanted as mine. I just let it flow and sometimes It worked, sometimes not. I was in a long-term relationship pretty young without even thinking of it and was happy about it. So my experience is not as a consumer but more likely as a voyeur. Watching my so called friends back in those years, I must say I never envied them. When they were turning around my man, I showed my claws and they got afraid. This is jealousy, which is a bad feeling. You can't help it and it hurts. I am more relax now and I'd trust the man I'd be with, enough to remind him I'm the one in charge and going to watch on the other side of the mirror is not recommended. The pact is settled and once It's said, let's live happily for the time It lasts. Now that I am on the "wrong" side of aging, I notice my taste does not go to younger people. I feel comfy with men of my own age. I was at a housewarming party the other day where men and women from their early 20's to past 40 (me, I'm almost always the oldest one) were there. That bitch in the kitchen, already drunk, maybe 20, while I was pouring me another drink, asked me : "how old are you ?" "42" "Oh, no, It can't be true, so ooooooooold, and you haven't any children ? Berlin does you good". I took it bad, you can imagine, but It made me realize as well the gap there is between the youngs and people my age. I am happy to say that experience and life in general teaches you good things and particularly not to snap the face of an hysterical young girl. It teaches you as well that sometimes, you have to let it go because you know inside yourself, you're better than her because you learned. Young have everything to learn, specifically attitudes, when you in the middle of the crowd, you just enjoy your time, at least the rest of it. Now my body changed in a normal shape and I never was interested in big muscled guys because they are not reachable. Understand me well : not that reachable, sexwise, but because I'll never reach their goal at the gym. It's like the fantasy of this man from the 70's, beautifully naturally muscular, a man body with hairs, who is transformed today in a body building too tanned without hairs, anywhere. That is to say, I evoluated another way. Lucky me, I don't have to train too much and keep eating and drinking as I please. It's a fact that when you try to reach the target of being like the other ones, you always want more, and in the end when the 6 packs abs are on your body, you have no other solution than to carry on : good luck. And at the disco, when they all take off their t-shirt, I feel sad because they all look the same : booooring. And definitely not an inch of sex-appeal. Come on, Babe, let's grab another drink with a lot of sugar, when the other athlets will drink only water (pills, maybe ?). Avoiding competition, you want to meet someone who is rather likely like you because you don't have to admire his body in front of the mirror along the day. And please, go out of this bathroom ! I guess all this gym culture perverts in a way the gay culture because you always want to look better, younger, healthier, when you do perfectly fine with the things your genes gave you.