Weekly

Time goes by now very quickly, I noticed. It is a real luxury (and pleasure) to let time go by, listening music, making a new coffee, watching snow melting from the roof windows. Yes, It started to snow in Berlin this week. The Christmas markets will soon open. It’s every year the same. You’re expecting Christmas season to begin and you enjoy as much when It ends because you just can’t stand it anymore. Last week, after being to the pool on Friday evening because It was closed during the week-end (championships) I went with a friend at Grosse Freiheit. It was packed as usual but though a lot of people come there for sex, I still enjoy having a drink (or more) from time to time because It is unformal, the drinks are cheap and you can smoke. Saturday, a friend called to ask to join her for dinner because she had friends coming from abroad but I answered I’d rather join them a bit after for a drink. We all met at the Avastar Bar in Kreuzberg, where they play live music and after a while, the mood went up and we decided to join the party of the day at Aquaritter's “15 Jahre Pyonen”. This a place that you don’t know It exists in the city until you’re among the happy few who know the place and give you the tip. I went for the first time last year for the 5 years anniversary party of Moebel Olfe and I remember, I already found the place amazing. It is an old factory, empty on the ground floor and party events happen there once in a while. It’s written nowhere when something is happening. Nevertheless It’s always a success because hundreds of people arrive to enjoy. It’s friendly until people get too drunk or drugged, as usual, and after a while there is so many people in the places (two dance floors and a lounge), you can’t even go though the (tiny) doors. You get the feeling to fight to have your way. The music was amazing and I was ready to stay longer but unfortunately one of the guys took ecstasy, was high for a time and then was down, and really down. His girlfriend began to get angry, she could not find her man in the crowd anymore, we got involved, we were quickly fed up and so It was time to go home, the mood was gone. I put the girls in a taxi and reached my bed. Sunday was planned a nice evening at the Volksbühne. When I was living at the corner, I never went but always had the idea, one day, to attend a show. Most of them are theatre, that I avoid because of the language, but this time It was modern dance, in English. A mix of dance and dialogs. The motto of the piece can be resumed with the word of Rivane Neuenschwander “I try to exercise loss, but that does not necessarily mean that I am able to accept it”. From my point of view, who have no special skills to understand what’s on the stage, I did not understand spontaneously and It was a bit difficult, though interesting and I liked Maybe Forever. We were lucky enough sometimes, to have some live music of Niko Hafkenscheid, though melancholic folk, which brought distraction. I agree that the mood was rather sad and with the weather now in Berlin, almost always grey, It did not add any colours in our life. I loved the first act, though almost completely dark that hurt my eyes, but I found the music good and this dance of two bodies joining and separating each other, well done. Then comes the live music and the second part starts, and you understand that the rest of the piece will be the quest of two lovers, who try to recall their past love without success. “Can you make wishes ? can we do it together, so we don’t need to listen to each other”. Then the next week began with all its everyday worries and It started to snow on Thursday, inauguring the winter season, that I officially declare open because now It is really cold and windy. Time to make new coffee.

Instantanés

Stepmother

Wedding canceled because of intrusive stepmother. Italian justice considered that it is a sufficient and legitimate motive. After separation, ex-husband is thinking of having his next wife orphan. The Italian obtained the cancelation of his wedding because his stepmother too obsessive behaviour. The 36 old man explained in front of the religious tribunal from Salerne that he concluded, before the weddingm a pact with his to-be spouse, stating that his step-mother should not interfere with the couple’s decisions. From his point of view, this pact has not been respected, the mother of the spouse interfering too much in their life. On this basis, the religious tribunal allowed the cancelation, validated by the civil tribunal. “Wedding last only 4 months but It was hell. I thought stories about mean step-mothers were only legends but I was obliged to change my mind” tells the man. “After our breaking, I even thought of finding a mother orphan mother”. “My mother is not an intrusive one, only a mother who takes care of her daughter” answers the ex-wife. “My ex-husband never took care of me, neither of my daughter. The months that last our union have been terrible because of the unacceptable behaviour of the man who should have loved me and respected me".

Comment … : The husband was wrong not to fuck the step-mother !

Instantanés

Body language

It's a fact that our taste changes along the years. I understand that on the internet, you find more youngish school boys, skinny, bonny and without hair than normally builded muscular guys. It's probably their success is due that after 40, you start to look veeeery far away your youth and sometimes you even want to play the daddy when boys look for a sugar daddy. This frontier of 40 is amazing. I'm part of it now and really happy about it. Frankly said, best time of my life, ever (if you avoid the every-days issues, of course). I mean, It's not that easy to climb my 5 floors stairs and I go up to my roof sloooowly. And I'm always out of breathe when I put the key in the door. Ok, I know I'm a heavy tar smoker and I should stop soon if I want to keep on breathing, simply as that. But when I meet my neighbour at the entrance door, dog in the arms, he still climbs the stairs 2 by 2. This is a perfect moment for me to say just a few words and let him pass before me. When you're at the start of your active life, professionnaly and sexualy, once you become on your own assuming yourself, you start to learn about life and do not pretend to be a physical God because you don't need to. It's natural. That's probably what hurts when we spend hours at the gym to keep yourself in good shape and never reach the point when you can say yourself : yep, I'm done. And when you meet a guy you're attracted to, does it mean you want to have him or you envy him by its casual look that makes you shiver ? Actually both. That's why you want to go further. This is a very gay attitude. No straight man would think the same looking at a woman. He wants to touch the tits, no to have them. It is still nevertheless much appreaciated when you receive compliments from someone looking at you and starts the conversation. It might be a way to approach you but It feels very good inside. All these efforts for, at least, something, even if you're not interested in the guy. Just because of that, you'll give him a chance ... to talk to you. But the body has Its limits. There is a certain point, whatever you will try, outside medication let's say, your body will refuse to go. My English friend used to say to me that I am "above average". I guess from her mouth, It's a compliment but It surely says that, although in pretty good shape "for my age", I'm not the one you will stare at, saying yourself "this one's not for me, he won't even look at me, I'm invisible". Possibly not true. It's a matter of attraction. My German friend M. is dating since a couple of weeks a man I would never thought, would have give him a glance. But actually this man finds my friend incredibly attractive. So I'm happy for both of them, of course. I say that, with the years, like your body is evolving continuously, your taste follows. When I was younger, I was even skinnier than I am today. I had no stereotypes in mind neither men I absolutly wanted as mine. I just let it flow and sometimes It worked, sometimes not. I was in a long-term relationship pretty young without even thinking of it and was happy about it. So my experience is not as a consumer but more likely as a voyeur. Watching my so called friends back in those years, I must say I never envied them. When they were turning around my man, I showed my claws and they got afraid. This is jealousy, which is a bad feeling. You can't help it and it hurts. I am more relax now and I'd trust the man I'd be with, enough to remind him I'm the one in charge and going to watch on the other side of the mirror is not recommended. The pact is settled and once It's said, let's live happily for the time It lasts. Now that I am on the "wrong" side of aging, I notice my taste does not go to younger people. I feel comfy with men of my own age. I was at a housewarming party the other day where men and women from their early 20's to past 40 (me, I'm almost always the oldest one) were there. That bitch in the kitchen, already drunk, maybe 20, while I was pouring me another drink, asked me : "how old are you ?" "42" "Oh, no, It can't be true, so ooooooooold, and you haven't any children ? Berlin does you good". I took it bad, you can imagine, but It made me realize as well the gap there is between the youngs and people my age. I am happy to say that experience and life in general teaches you good things and particularly not to snap the face of an hysterical young girl. It teaches you as well that sometimes, you have to let it go because you know inside yourself, you're better than her because you learned. Young have everything to learn, specifically attitudes, when you in the middle of the crowd, you just enjoy your time, at least the rest of it. Now my body changed in a normal shape and I never was interested in big muscled guys because they are not reachable. Understand me well : not that reachable, sexwise, but because I'll never reach their goal at the gym. It's like the fantasy of this man from the 70's, beautifully naturally muscular, a man body with hairs, who is transformed today in a body building too tanned without hairs, anywhere. That is to say, I evoluated another way. Lucky me, I don't have to train too much and keep eating and drinking as I please. It's a fact that when you try to reach the target of being like the other ones, you always want more, and in the end when the 6 packs abs are on your body, you have no other solution than to carry on : good luck. And at the disco, when they all take off their t-shirt, I feel sad because they all look the same : booooring. And definitely not an inch of sex-appeal. Come on, Babe, let's grab another drink with a lot of sugar, when the other athlets will drink only water (pills, maybe ?). Avoiding competition, you want to meet someone who is rather likely like you because you don't have to admire his body in front of the mirror along the day. And please, go out of this bathroom ! I guess all this gym culture perverts in a way the gay culture because you always want to look better, younger, healthier, when you do perfectly fine with the things your genes gave you.

Instantanés

Betrayal

I am not afraid of meeting men. I am not afraid neither to ask them to go out. I am not afraid of going out with a nice guy whenever I meet one. I am not afraid of inviting him at home and spend the rest of the afternoon / night / week-end at home if it’s worth to. I am afraid of what comes next. As long as it is a sex story, all fine. We went last night to “warm up” at Laboratory (under Berghain, only for men and dress code to pay attention of) and there you can have sex just because you’re there and you’ve come for that. Then we ended up at Berghain because I was bored and I don’t like darkroom. It’s dark (!!) and I like to see and learn about people than meeting his dick. People seem sad and consuming flesh without feelings makes me cry. This guy I met the other day : I asked him to come out of the metro as I had to change station, just because he smiled and I decided spontaneously to give it a try. And it worked. He followed, quick chit chat, he’s a tourist so it’s a one night stand. We went out together last night and it went very well. He just left and I can’t help thinking “what if …?”. It’s not “could he be the one ?” because even if we can go well along together we live in opposite worlds. His travel book testifies. Even if it does not happen very often, when it does, it hurts in the end but can’t help doing it. Just for the pleasure of it, feeling man flesh and breathing it. I don’t bite unless I’m asked to, but discovering a new body, weaknesses and pleasures, is a great source of satisfaction. On the contrary, if you promise to call back, I expect you to do it. The other time, another guy starts to talk to me at the supermarket. Nice chat on the way home and we gave each other our phone number. He said “I’ll call you, promise”, and never did. I talked about it at an evening dinner with German and they confirmed what I thought. First, men are afraid to discover themselves. Letting someone entering your world does not seem an option and that explains certainly why sex places are famous here. No talk, no self confidence, no strings attached. Next, please. Second, men think that on the next corner, another guy will fit better the tasks list. So, as a “guy next door”, you have no chance. After a while, you just don’t think about him anymore, nevertheless, there is a feeling of betrayal, somehow. Strangely, I noticed in my personal life, betrayal is part of it. I’ve been through it many times when I never thought this could happen to me. How can someone you trust can hurt you for his own purpose ? I’m learning everyday and even if I do mistakes, I assume and sometimes, apologize. It seems that 2008 will end up with less friends than in the beginning of the year, sadely, but on the other hand, new friendship begins. So, is this only an everlasting start ? People come and go in your life and only a “happy few” remain with you forever ? I know we are all in constant evolution, so I guess after a while with some people, the recipe is not functioning anymore. Even at work, sometimes, you have to be so diplomatic, taking care of not hurting your colleagues. But It ends always the same. For whichever reason, one day you just say what you think, or you ask a task to be done with the wrong words or ton. When everything should go simply, human has this ability to bounce in your face what is less expected. Creating a temper at work is traumatic. And when you know you stay with those people the biggest part of your day, taking care of your feelings is “hard work” and takes a lot of energy. And you don’t see those events appear. But I’ll manage. Life is not work. What counts is what you make outside. Berlin, at this very moment, is strangely warm, 15°C, which is for us unusual. Normally at this period of the year, I remember having seen snow. The city starts slowly (but surely) to prepare itself for Christmas and It’s a drama. People begins to think about it when we still have a lot of time to organize the party and the gifts. Let’s open a window again for a little while and breathe some evening's fresh air.

Things you can tell ...

This is one of my favorite movie, ever. I find in it so much of our suburban life, things we live everyday and can't explain. It is strange how life in the city is so different. Is it really the big city that makes us so confused and feeling sometimes lonely ? Anyway, very nice portraits of women, wonderfully interpreted. I like as well when the characters, normally without any connection possible, meet each other by chance. "Exquisitely acted…an understated eloquent film." -The New York Times. Touching, compelling and original, Things you can tell only by looking at her spins a brilliant tapestry of interwoven vignettes. Starring Oscar winner Holly Hunter, five time Oscar nominee Glenn Close, Golden Globe winner Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) and Golden Globe nominees Cameron Diaz (Charlie's Angels), Amy Brenneman (Judging Amy) and Kathy Baker (Picket Fences), this "really special film" ("Ebert & Roeper and the Movies") is an absolute "triumph" (Mirabella). In the heart of L.A., six extraordinary women have come to an emotional crossroads: A talented young detective (Brenneman) struggles with loneliness, an ambitious bank manager (Hunter) contemplates motherhood, and a successful doctor (Close) confronts her spiritual emptiness. At the same time, a blind teacher (Diaz) searches for love, a middle-aged writer (Baker) grapples with prejudice, and a gifted fortune-teller (Flockhart) grieves for her dying lover. Poised between fear and hope, each woman must weigh the choices she's made - in order to meet the future unfolding before her.

Himmelreich

The concert given by Hélène Grimaud at berghain and organized by Yellow Lounge was amazing as expected. Mostly Bach was played that evening and the place, though an old electricity factory, gave Its soul to the music. The light show which went with it added to the atmosphere. Lucky us the two bars of the first floor were opened and the smoking lounge as well. So this was a good suprise and I will return anytime soon. Tonight is 2-4-1 at the bar in my area. Himmelreich is a cosy friendly gay bar and because Friedrichshain is not that touristic as Mitte, you have good chances only to meet people of the neighbourhood. Friends called earlier to ask me If we could meet for a couple of drinks, so I might join. No heated terrace tonight as the weather is foggy since 3 days but the smoking room in the back is big enough to allow us to be all together. Maybe until late.

Hélène Grimaud

This evening at the Yellow Lounge will play Hélène Grimaud with DJ's Canisius and Mclyntock and guess where ? at berghain. Because she is in Berlin, Hélène Grimaud will also play her piano at the Philarmonie a few days later, November 10th. I personaly think today is more interesting because we have no clue of the program and especially with the mix with electronic music. I guess the live act will be worth and I expect, despite the bad weather, a lot of people waiting outside. The location is of course amazing if you don't know it already and if they use the sound system, the evening is full of promises. Hopefully the bar is open too.

Tonight

It's the beginning of the month, everyone's got paid, It's time to start the party tour. Tonight Klub International celebrates its 9th birthday. This is pretty long for a party in Berlin but It is true, the location is exceptional, big enough to find your style... or to travel rooms and bars to make a change and see different people. Last year their birthday, I must say, It was worth the visit.

Party

Though for us It does not mean a lot of things, Halloween is another reason to launch a party. Tonight, friends of friends organize an evening in a bar in Kreuzberg. I know those people crazy enough to prepare something interesting so of course I'm in. I know the bar because I drive by a lot of times and if it is the one I'm thinking of, It's a nice one. Truly said, It's my first Halloween party. Can't wait.

Halloween

I heard tonight should happen something. So when you come back tonight after a long party, a bit drunk, watch Hellbent. It's a gay scary movie. Funny. Hellbent is a scary, sexy, funny thrill-ride through a wild Halloween night in West Hollywood where chiseled gay boys become the target of a sickle-wielding serial killer. Don't watch this one alone! Hellbent is out to scare, titillate and entertain the bejesus out of you. Possibly the first gay horror/slasher movie, we find that a deranged serial killer is on the loose in West Hollywood and he's got a taste for hunky homos. It's Halloween night and, despite the news of a grisly double beheading of two guys tricking in the park, four gay friends prepare for a wild night of partying. Out for a night on the town are gorgeous but insecure Eddie (newcomer Dylan Fergus) dressed as a cop; his butch cowboy hat-wearing buddy Chaz (Andrew Levitas); the young Joey (Hank Harris), scantily-clad and chained as a sex slave; and the leggy Tobey (Matt Phillips), dolled-up as a big-haired gal. They wander the hunk-filled streets and sweat-drenched clubs, and Eddie meets the boy of his dreams — the sultry, motorcycling Jake (Bryan Kirkwood. They remain oblivious, however, to the lurking danger of the devilish killer stalking their every move. Oblivious, that is, until the killer’s sickle starts chopping away at them! Who lives, who gets it (and remember, characters in horror films should never have hot ‘n heavy sex — it only infuriates the sexually frustrated villain!) are slowly revealed in this vastly entertaining flick which will keep you on the edge of your seats. With a dynamic soundtrack, a bevy of gorgeous half-naked guys, a wry humor and a knowing understanding of the horror classics like Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellbent will keep you enthralled until the last drop of blood.

Instantanés

Anyway

I like very much street art. I remember last December (I found back the picture) I pictured "Vive la bourgeoisie" from the artist SP38. I'm happy to find art in the streets because It makes me question, that I wouldn't do at no other time because I don't go often in museums or gallery. I'm happy to find an exhibition of this artist at the gallery Anyway and guess what, It's so near my place, I guess I'll go passing by.

Backroom

As you already know, I like short films. Backroom comes from Spain, not really new but like they say, there are things that never change. I like particularly this one because It's universal. That is, when you are in a back (or dark-) room, most of the time if your brain is not switches off by your dick shouting out loud, this short film shows to you what we're thinking. Even if there is an opportunity, we let it go, thinking (wrongly at the most) that the next one will be soooooooo much better (looking, sex, attractive, whatever, fill the gap). And you end up alone, drunk, unsatisfied, starving for a blow job when you're alone in your bed masturbating yourself. Finding love can be difficult, but surely a backroom on a Saturday night is the last place you should go looking for it. Certainly the men in this Spanish short seem to be searching for just one thing and it clearly isn't a boyfriend - or is it? For in this realistic depiction of backroom life, we get to hear the inner thoughts of those whose need for sex see them seek out that area of a club, that is but an indoor cruising ground. And yet and inspite of the subject under discussion, male nudity is seldom on view in a piece that is more akin to a cinematic representation of lust and if anything, loneliness. Yes it's all very seedy, but how could it be otherwise, as we view the scene through the eyes of Iván, a backroom virgin who "shouldn't have come," turns to go, but instead finds himself being serviced bottom end up as this short rapidly heads to its sexual climax. Thankfully along the way director Morales sets the atmosphere rather nicely, mixing a throbbing club sound with images of men of all ages and types who cruise a maze of dark corridors that whilst new to some, are more than familiar territory to those ever on the lookout for fresh meat. In between such carnal encounters, Morales injects a series of cutting comments, questioning if the mens' boyfriends or for that matter their girlfriends, know where they are? Yet the most poignant words come from an older man who looked upon in disgust by the local stud, offers the biting remark that "when you're my age and they look at you with the same eyes that you look at me - then you'll see." For the star of the show is the narrative itself, as voiceover after voiceover aptly conveys the reality of the situation and how for some men, kissing on the lips is a no-go area, after all "who does he think I am - his boyfriend?" Yet that is the bottom line here, given not everyone present is looking for sex, only do those men have the courage to voice their need for love and affection in such a soulless environment? A telling work indeed. Screened in Great Britain as part of the 15th London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival, It obtaines many awards : 2001 AWARDS 1999 Alcalá de Henares Short Film Festival 'Caja de Madrid' Award for Best Editing - Joan Manel Vilaseca 2000 Barcelona Curt Ficcions Best Short Film Award 2000 Dresden Film Festival Best Short Film - Honourable Mention 2000 Málaga Spanish Film Festival Best Short Film Award 2000 Stockholm Film Festival Best Short Film Award 2001 Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival Jury Award - Best Short Film.

Avedon

This is the first retrospective exhibition of the work of the American star photographer Richard Avedon since his death in 2004. Many epoch-making and pioneering pictures are on show: the picture of the famous model Dovima, posing amidst sawdust and hay between elephants in an haute-couture creation, was revolutionary and ground-breaking in 1948; the 9.5 x 3 m. group portrait of “Andy Warhol and the members of the Factory” from 1969, where Avedon was able to bring out the individual personalities in the group; and the picture of Charles Chaplin, forming devil’s horns on his forehead and waving goodbye to McCarthyism’s USA with his gaze. Also included are Avedon’s characteristic dancing model shots with the most fêted photo models of the day, for example Twiggy and Veruschka.Especially interesting for the venue in Berlin, in the year of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall, Avedon’s series from New Year’s Evening 1989 will be shown in the exhibit. Avedon traveled to Berlin on the sole purpose of photographing this extraordinary historical situation and the reaction of the people.For more than 50 years Richard Avedon was one of the biggest names in the fashion industry, with a star status that he maintained throughout the years, and he was the first to break down the barrier between so-called serious and non-serious photography. He made a name as early as the 1950s as the world’s leading fashion photographer and was employed by the American magazine Harpers Bazaar, later by Vogue, then in 1992 ended up as the weekly New Yorker’s first regular staff photographer.In parallel with the fashion photography, Avedon also worked with dark, emotionally charged portraits, and along with the photographer Irving Penn transformed portrait photography in the twentieth century; but whereas Penn’s portraiture was considerate and attentive, Avedon’s was radical and intense.Avedon created an endless succession of portraits of statesmen, artists, actors and actresses. And wherever one usually has a fixed image of a person, with his photographs he shatters the picture-postcard icon and shows a portrait that provides food for thought – it may be of legendary film stars like Katherine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe or the great stars of the silent film – Buster Keaton and Charles Chaplin – or of personalities ranging as wide as Karen Blixen, Truman Capote, Henry Kissinger, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Edward Kennedy, The Beatles and Francis Bacon. The retrospective exhibition features more than 250 photographs, demonstrating the scope of Avedon’s production, from the glamorous world of fashion through the more psychological portraits to reportage-oriented shots. The first photograph in the exhibition was taken in 1946, when Avedon went to Rome and Sicily just after World War II, and the last photograph in the exhibition is of the singer Björk, taken less than four months before Avedon’s sudden death. In general, the presentation of the photographs in the exhibition is chronological, drawing selectively on picture series where Avedon concentrated on a particular range of themes, subjects or events – from travel pictures to almost registrative pictures of his dying father. Photographs from the “New York Life” reportage series from 1949 – a work commissioned by Life magazine, which Avedon at the time ended up not submitting to the magazine, and from which he first showed selections forty years later in his own book “An Autobiography” – can be seen in the exhibition. The series points forward to other reportages shown in the exhibition as well as portrait series for which Avedon has later become famous, including “In the American West”, photos from 17 of the USA’s westernmost states in the period 1979–84, a work commissioned by The Amon Carter Museum in Fort Worth, Texas. Out of 752 portrait shots Avedon selected 124 black-and-white photographs of people who fall outside the normal social order. While it is usually politicians, celebrities and well-off people who are portrayed in the tradition of the representative portrait, the powerful have here been replaced with the powerless. Richard Avedon was awarded the Swedish Hasselblad Prize for photography in 1991.The exhibit has been shown at the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art, Humlebœk, the International Centre for Photography, Milan, and the Jeu de Paume, Paris. Following the Martin-Gropius-Bau, the exhibit will be shown at FOAM Fotografiemuseum Amsterdam and at the SFMOMA, San Francisco. Part of the European Month of Photography Berlin. Richard Avedon – Photographs 1946–2004. A RetrospectiveVenue : Martin-Gropius-Bau, 19 October 2008 to 19 January 2009.

Socket

Socket : After being struck by lightning, Dr. Bill Matthews recovers in the hospital where he also works. An intern named Craig Murphy slips him a card inviting him to a meeting of "people just like us." In this "group," Bill finds other survivors who have been electrocuted in various ways. But the doctor soon discovers that the members now addicted to the electric current. And not only does Bill become hooked, his relationship with sexy Craig ignites, setting a chain of events into shocking motion.

Tempelhof