Conversations

Christmas holidays are now. In this time of the year (but not only), It happens to be we lead commonplace conversations sometimes, with politeness, and It sometimes turn out boring. If you are one of those who have difficulty in making the conversation to strangers in this situation, here is some advices. But while you try hard to chat, how to be sure that the other one is interested in what you tell. In fact, the more a person is sociable, the more she knows how to hide her indifference for what you say to him or her. It is however rare to fall on people who look like really fascinated while you annoy them. Here are the signs which I try to identify when I want to know if "the current passes" with somebody. It is an approach which has nothing scientific. Studies were certainly realized on the subject, but in this particular case, I am only delivering you some observations which I made, in particular from my behavior when I’m bored and when I try to hide it: 1. Somebody who repeats "Ah well? Ah all right! It is interesting" Is not particularly interested in what you say. 2. people who are bored ask simple questions. "When did you move? Where did you go? "Those who are really interested in your life ask more complicated questions which show some curiosity, and not only some courtesy. 3. Though that to interrupt can seem to you rude, it is rather a good sign. It means that the person in front of you reacts to what you say. It indicates a certain interest. As well as... 4. Requests of precision. Somebody who is sincerely interested in what you tell will ask you to develop or to clarify certain points. "What does it mean?", "when did it arrive exactly?", "what did he answer you?" so many questions which prove that somebody tries to follow the thread of your speech. 5. Imbalance of the speaking time. I suspect that a lot of people believe naively that if they occupy 80 % of speaking time in a conversation, it is because their interlocutor finds them fascinating. It is sometimes true. In a discussion, the one who listens, registers a big quantity of information. When it is the case, the conversation is very enriching. But, generally, people who are interested in a subject have things to said about it. They want to express you their opinion, to deliver you information and make you share their own experience. If it is not what they make, they remain certainly silent in the hope that the conversation will end as quickly as possible. Or maybe that you do not let them speak ! I recently discussed with somebody who, though I found him fascinating, did not let me participate in the conversation. It was certainly an exchange which pleased me, but not as much as if it had been well balanced. 6. Sudden change of subject. Let us admit that you are speaking to somebody of the life of Winston Churchill and suddenly, your interlocutor asks to you: "then, how are your children?", it is the sign that he is not really interested in the life of Winston Churchill - maybe he is not listening to you at all. When I am confronted with this kind of rough change of subject, I have to fight against my desire to return to what I wanted to say. But because my interlocutor launched quite a different subject, it is evident that mine does not seem to him very captivating. 7. Physical behavior. Generally, people interested in the conversation of the other one stand face to face. The one who turns partially the back to his interlocutor does not kiss embrace the discussion in its total. In the same order of ideas, if you are in the situation of a speaker who try to know if your public is interested in what you tell, observe... 8. Posture of the public. In 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote an entitled article The measurement of the of Fidget. He explains at first that people tend to sprawl when they are bored. So, a speaker can measure the degree of boredom of his public by estimating his verticality. On the other hand, attentive people flounder less than people who are bored. A public sat straight ahead and without moving is listening. The other are clearly distracted. I often remember myself the note of La Rochefoucauld: " we are bored almost always with those whom we annoy ". If I am bored, there is strong chances that the other one also is. Then it is time to change the subject.