The 5000 fingers of Dr. T

Possibly THE gayest non-gay Hollywood-based children's fantasy film EVER made, The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. ranks high among the flat-out weirdest major-studio releases of all time. It's one of the most jaw-droppingly FABULOUS movies I've been lucky enough to see, and a cherished favorite! Wait until you see our hero Bart (played by Tommy Rettig, the first Timmy from the "Lassie" TV series) hunted down by identical twin assassins who are conjoined by a 10-foot beard... and get around on roller skates! Wait until you see the "dungeon" of non-piano-playing lost-boy musicians (quite a few of them bare-chested, thank you very much!) in a homo-erotic ballet-cum-orchestral fantasia!! Wait until you see (and hear) Hans Conried (eccentric "Uncle Tonoose" from TV's "The Danny Thomas Show") as Dr. T. sing his big "Doe Mi Doe Duds" number while being dressed in his "undulating undies with the marabou frills" and his "beautiful bolero with the porcupine quills"!!! And wait until you see the grand finale: 500 little boys (with their 5,000 little fingers) seated at a split-level, curved, grander-than-grand piano... and the "very atomic" noise-sucker that ruins Dr. T's nefarious plans!!!! They simply don't MAKE movies like this anymore!!!!! What does it all MEAN? I don’t know... I don’t care... just watch it and laugh. The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. is a 1953 musical fantasy film. It is best known for being the only feature film ever written by Theodor Seuss Geisel ("Dr. Seuss"), who was responsible for the story, screenplay, and lyrics. It was directed by Roy Rowland. The film was rereleased in 1958 under the title Crazy Music. Plot: Young Bart Collins lives with his widowed mother Heloise. The major blight on Bart's existence is the hated piano lessons he is forced to endure under the tutelage of the autocratic Dr. Terwilliker. Bart feels that his mother has fallen under Terwilliker's sinister influence, and gripes to visiting plumber August Zabladowski, without much result. While grimly hammering away at his lessons, Bart dozes off and enters a fantastical musical dream, in much the same fashion as Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz. In the dream, Bart is trapped at the surreal Terwilliker Institute, where the piano teacher is now a madman dictator who has locked up all non-piano-playing musicians in a dungeon and constructed a piano so large that it requires Bart and 499 other enslaved boys (the aforementioned 5,000 fingers) in order to play it. Bart's mother has been turned into Terwilliker's hypnotized assistant and bride-to-be, and Bart must dodge the Institute's guards as he scrambles to save both his mother and himself. He tries to recruit Mr. Zabladowski, who has been hired to install all of the Institute's sinks ahead of a vital inspection, but only after much skepticism and foot-dragging is the plumber finally convinced to help. The two of them empty their pockets and construct a noise-sucking contraption which ruins the mega-piano's opening concert. The enslaved boys cheerfully run riot, and the "VERY atomic" noise-sucker explodes in spectacular fashion, bringing Bart out of his dream. The movie ends on a hopeful note for Bart, when the real-life Mr. Zabladowski finally notices Heloise, and offers to drive her into town in his jeep. Bart escapes from the piano, and triumphantly runs off to play. Reaction: Although he had written the original treatment and all the song lyrics, Geisel regarded the finished film as a "debaculous fiasco" and omitted any mention of it in his official biography with Random House.[1] At the film's Hollywood premiere, it was reported that patrons walked out on the film after 15 minutes, and box office receipts were equally disappointing.[2] Nevertheless, the film has gained a cult following over the years, and has been favorably compared to the live-action adaptations of Seuss's works made since his death.