Benefit party

The party world of the city, the gay one Darlin', is mostly ruled by trans. Those know how to party and we expect them to be at every place we go to have fun. As far as I remember I always knew them so I guess we must have more or less the same age although they know damm well to put make up (and a dress) when I hardly can do my eye brow (even with the shaving machine, it's catastrophy). We feel nevertheless that when after the party we go quietly home and find our "normal" life back, they have to carry on with their "normal" life. Again lucky us in this city there is not too much a problem and when you're used to live at night you don't see the sun anymore (when there is some...) so don't worry about the look of the neighbour . After all those years of occupying the scene they've become more popular and that's why we join most of the time the same parties and you're happy to meet them again. It's like the teacher entering the school class for the first time of the year every year. The students are new and they become younger and younger every year just because you're getting older but your colleagues grow old with you and you say again that it will be a good year. You feel as well that they are in a very small world. They are always together and that is why when anything bad is happening to one of them the other ones show solidarity because they know what it's like. And that is when you take contact with their reality. Let's take the example of Polla Disaster. She's in the city for years and we just learn that she moved back to Poland (her original country) because that is the only place she has health insurance. The system in Germany is quite complicated, heavy ... and very expensive and because she doesn't have any she can't cure her cancer. The benefit party last week at Klub International was for this purpose. Although we had the monthly party at Klub International which is a fabulous place the week before we had to go back to show that we still like to party and have a heart to share. I guess It keeps you running and you don't feel like giving money without return that you always expect. I know people spending money not to show solidarity but to get a tax refund (but this is another story). I only wish that every one at this evening had a little thought for her and that she can join the next party this week-end at Geburtstagsklub "Irrenhouse". I know it looks like party freaks but why not having fun ? It gives good memory, you're with friends and we forget all worries for some hours. This is not too much to ask to be happy.

Instantanés

In the ghetto

Abend Brot

The advantage of going out for dinner with colleagues you have no special acquaintance with is that you know it will not last long. Especially in Germany where there is no dining out but what they call "Abend Brot", meaning that you don't really have a meal but more like some sandwiches to give you the idea. So don't expect it to last more than 45 mn at the most. I only had a glass of wine and one cig, since we can't smoke inside anymore. I went with the bicycle so I guess I can tell myself at least I did some sport ... They don't have this culture of re-inventing the world each day and talking about sex or politics at the table is just out of the question. And they definitly have no sense of humour. Next time I'll be busy.

no complaints

Instantanés

The flying Dutchman

It was a time I was afraid to be judged. I guess with the time as we all get older our personality is made and most important we accept it as it is. Of course there will be little changes or some characteristics will become more important. And it also means that finally people have to do with you the way you are. That is the contrary of who you are when you're younger because we all learn from school - family - education - religion ... that there is only one way in life : being in conformity with. I had last night a very interesting conversation with people I met for the first time. I used to work in Barcelona with a dutch guy and we stayed in contact from far when he moved back to Holland. He came for the week-end here with his 3 friends and I had to be introduced to them. There was a time I would have made myself worries about the correct behaviour to have and try to act the good way to please them. This is not the case anymore. Take it like it is or leave it. I know I can hurt sometimes and I accidently did it gain (oups !) but in the end it makes you think. In the end people are thankful because they know you're not playing a role just to be nice. They're younger than I am and straight. Gay world is unknown to them and I had the feeling sometimes that they were studying a rat. One particularly asked a lot of questions. I guess he was tempted and he will one day try. They also have those clichés of life. They're looking all the time for new girls to have sex with. They don't stick to one target, they have tenths. Then they want to get married because they need someone home to clean the shirts and to fix dinner. Of course they want to be a dad because it is politicaly correct and it assures the continuity of the blood line. Dutch people are very nice people. Most of them I know I was always pleased to have contact with but the thing is that they hardly speak of themselves. Also "loin des yeux loin du coeur" meaning that once you don't live next door they're gone. They approved. And started to talk about themselves so I was positively surprised that they trust me. So I was right to be myself. Of course there will not be any following and everyone is back today to his duty. Tomorrow is Mongay again. A nice night at the Rodeo.

It's all about how to communicate

The screen on a new pocket translator from Krown of Fort Worth, Texas, is more low tech, but could have a higher value for many users. It is used to display short video clips showing how to sign any of 4500 stored words in US sign language. "Our mission is to improve the quality of life for people who are deaf and hard of hearing" says Krown. The device should cost around $180 when launched in 3 or 4 months.Barry Fox, New Scientist contributor.

... Thanks to A. now I can communicate with my deaf friends !

Thank you ! besos

Instantanés

"cook yourself the man of your dreams" (If it was so easy). Actually it's true : it's a cake mixture

Bugcrush

A short film for tonight : Bugcrush (then join with hjsplit )

Selection in Cannes, Sundance, Frameline, Cinevegas, Fantasia and Philadelphia

Instantanés

It's reversed

Sometimes you think you know everything, your life is done and you have nothing to learn anymore because you are on your way of no surprises.

Wrong.

You're never out of the way of being surprised and from things very near you. It makes you growing up

Two examples :

The last time I went to the US I needed to make twice for a couple of days stops in New Orleans and its region. And I learned what racism is. Actually for me it was an abstract thing because being borned and raised in Paris I always have been in the middle of multi-cultural scenes. Specially in the north of the city where you're traveling North Africa, Africa, China and some other beautiful countries and culture in less than hundreds of meters just by looking at people, smelling the merchandise at the market, debating a price at the flee market, all of those things and I never felt embarrassed, nervous or not at ease. Only out of my country I had this feeling. I remember feeling so uncomfortable on the streets walking fast only by the look of the people because obviously I was not from there (and I was not in the touristic area neither). I understand why people fight against this because it is a feeling that I really don't wish to experience anymore.

Last thursday I went with some friends in Moebel Olfe. With us was a Japanese who spent some holidays with us and the conversations were about the gaps between our cultures. Of course the language and the writing that are hardly accessible. He said that it tends to get better because now you can find some places where some signs in the street or the public transport are now written with our alphabet. I made them laughed explaining that my first arrival in Tokyo airport was a nightmare because where I thought everybody could speak english, nobody could. Then showing to the taxi driver the address of the hotel he just did not understand what was written on the paper. So I had to go back in the airport, finding some Information point and ask the lady to write down in her writting the address so I can reach my place. And it was a good lesson because I carried on doing this system and I even managed to use metro and bus.

At the same evening while chating I noticed right behind me a group of nice guys apparently having fun all together but without a sound : deafs. I couldn't resist and made some eye contacts with some of them and I was surprised that after a short while they wanted me to share their joint or even to have sex. But it's not what I wanted. I just needed to learn a new language. Because I felt lost. And rejected. They don't have a handicap. I have one because I can't communicate with them when they have so much fun and I don't understand a hand movement. It was late, I went home. End of the story. For this night. Because last saturday after unfructuous way outs (islandic concert ok, club 103 really not my fav) I went back to Kino International because it's a good party, it was already early morning and I can walk back home which is for me something to remember specially lately when the weather is so rainy and icy that the whole center is an ice-skating place. And I met my deaf group again. But they really live in another world or they just don't want you to come in it. Frightened of new sensations or feelings, new experiences ? Or can't I just show I'm friendly and I try to take contact. At this phase I don't really need any science fiction movie to remember how to make smoke signs to express myself, I am in the fifth dimension because It's surreal. And again I just did not know how to handle the situation. Should I concentrate my efforts to only one or try with the whole group. Lucky me I was helped by my good friend M. who's most of the time with me out and he had a little more success to be understood. So I took another glass of wine (I know I shouldn't, it's so bad but I still can't mix) and sit down for a while. I couldn't help thinking how I could handle a relationship. Should I learn hand language (yes, of course), will I be accepted by the group (not that sure), how to handle from my side with my friends (I spontaneously thought what about an evening dinner for which he could not participate when I want sometimes everybody together) ? a lot of questions for which I just have no answer. I tried to explain asking one of the group who seems to be the leader that maybe it could be nice to meet privatly but he refused "saying" that he will stick to the group. In the end man is an animal. He needs to be tamed. So if I ever meet those guys again I guess we'll have to compromise to learn each other and then maybe find a way to communicate.

Sin city

Sometimes I wonder why the city is so famous. It's freezing cold here, the city has nothing special compared to some other cultural destinations, locals are not that friendly (though they tend to get better and never forget you are in a country previously rules by the Stasi ) but questioning my friends why I can here every possible language on the street they just answered because it's party time 24/7. And it makes sense. Escaping from a party at 6.00 in the morning I remembered people queueing outside to come in. I heard this argument once at the terrace of a bar between foreigners "adapting" themselves to the rythm of the city and an old german man walking the dog about saying something here that it is Sin of the city. Nevertheless you will notice after a while that despite everything you'll hear it's everywhere the same except that in Berlin you can party anytime following your rythm and most of all with your own taste because you're sure to find a place matching your taste. But that means also that you'll be back at the same place at the same time. You will notice soon that if there is a success party it will last forever ... or disapear without notice. I re-discover with pleasure that Chantal house of shame still exists after all those years. Following the new building plan of the city it changed location I don't know how many times but Chantal finds always nice locations (and this last one I don't complain at all because it's round my corner) and the party people follows. Those ones do not change much neither except we all grew older but I am pleased to notice in the crowd faces I know. It gives a taste of timeless (if there are no mirrors around of course) but the project never changed. The party does not start too late, there is a show (last thursday was Herr Frau & die Glitterbomben) music is ok and the wine is fresh and tasty compared to some other places I tried. It's also a good training for the forthcoming week-end. Tonight at Kaffee Burger (if you want to meet Russians it is the right place) we will start with an icelandic group Bardukha to warm up maybe with a bit of vodka of course and then carrying on with Club 103 again in Kreuzberg where we will join the "Lez is more" french party. As a good French I will not forget that tomorrow is also 3 Kings' day so I'd better hurry to find where I can buy my galette des rois.

It's not happening

Sometimes you just want to please people. Not because you want to but because you just say yes without thinking and the minute you're saying it, you regret because you know at least if it will not be a bad time it won't be a good one. It happens every year the same : let's take for example the New year's Eve. Mid-december everyone enjoys about the invitation they will receive and at the last minute no-one shows up or cancels. It happens actually all the time. I knew that tonight will not be good and I don't really appreciate to feel the need most of the time to play my role of entertaining people when it's no fun. I guess it shows. And sometimes people just do not fit together. Too much differences of culture, lives, age, relationships and awaitings from life. I am always amazed as well of people who are 20 years younger than I am to be so boring and sad. Even the places they choose do not invite you to have a good time. Everytime I say I should decline but the little devil of mine asks to give it a try because we never know. But it's not true. I had more fun yesterday when I joined a couple of friends in Moebel Olfe trying to have a "conversation" with deaf people (very nice group by the way, I wish I will meet them again) than with "well educated" others that don't even look at me when I force myself to engage a conversation. I guess I simply should not but I'm a nice guy and I believe there is always something interesting in each and everyone. I'm just wrong. I really should concentrate on me myself and I. And that's the moment I choose to say goodbye because I'm bored and I really have something else to do. At this very moment I need to go out by myself just to calm down and be incognito anywhere. It's a moment for myself.

But the fun is gone and I feel a bit sad. So the best thing to do is either go to the gym or to bed. Most of the time the second option is best. But it feels like missing good time. Lucky me it's week-end. Let's see the next surprise.

It's show time

I never was a big fan of series, outside of my youth when I couldn't take off my eyes of "the bionic woman" (the original one, please Darling, I just wanted to run like her slowly, all motion decomposed in a feminine and seducing way) or "Charlie's angels" because I loved the cars they had, or even "The thunderbirds" because Lady Penelope had a wonderful pink Rolls with plenty of gadgets ... and a chauffeur. Outside of those nothing really I found interesting when all friends talk about famous TV shows. Except that Dexter has a little plus that already teased me. The story, first. I needed to see how they will turn a nice guy into a serial killer and that story will last long enough 2 series. Second, there will not be a third part and that is what I appreciated the most because I knew from the start I will not have to wait years to get any no-end. Third, the people you know from the pilote, you keep until the end except rare "guests". And no violence (unlike the story lets supposed it), no big special effects, no sex, no moral. And that is somehow refreshing because for a long time the writter does not give you the way to follow. You have to make up your own mind. The main character you already know him from Six feet under and he's playing this time more with his body (and that is good so). It's also good that with each episode you have a story completed. Not that you're not curious what will come next but you still enjoyed this episode. It's also long enough for you to be able to wait for the next one. Each of it lasts one full hour and you get the feeling you went to see a movie. Furthermore even if the rythm is quite slow you're not bored. You're happy to share the feelings of this guy because in a way he looks like me and you. He speaks himself in his head and thinks exactly opposite of what we expect him to deliver. And it is also nicely made, Miami seems nice and quite (when you know the city, it's not reflecting at all the truth, but you don't need to be de-concentrated). If you look at it, only one thing remains the same from start to end : the clothes he wears when he's doing his "business". But on the contrary of the character explains, he has more feelings than some other people I know. So enjoy the show. If not please switch off and go outside.

Liberté toujours

With New Year comes in 2008 in many european countries another measure that is as well very important : the non-smoking policy in public places. It exists already in some countries. If I recall well Ireland was the first country of the European Community to establish this law but far after the US and California the headmaster. I remember visiting a friend in Dublin and it took me by surprise that 1) we had to go for dinner at 7.00 p.m. (everything is closed by midnight or so) and 2) I had to smoke outside. When you know what’s the weather like in this country suddenly you’re becoming less smoky. In Spain or France I never had troubles because you can smoke almost everywhere so I just had to avoid the non-permitted areas. A few weeks ago I was in Frankfurt. Germany has this particularity that because of its federalism any « Land » can establish a delay to apply the law. That is why here in Berlin it only starts officially today when in Nordrhein-Westfallen it’s done a long time ago. And it took me by surprise a second time. I was visiting A. and when we entered the restaurant I knew something was unusual. Of course : no smoke flying in the air, no smell of cold ashes on the walls, only good food smells. But it didn’t disturb me that early and should I say I was even pleased to have the real taste of meat, vegetables and wine in my mouth. It became an issue later that night when we carried on going out and at this very moment I wished to lit a cig and I couldn’t. So what’s now ? Becoming nervous because the drug is missing ? going out of the bar in that cold and smoke so quickly I don’t even enjoy it ? No fun. That is at this very moment you notice your addiction. And it hurts. I had this debate with friends and colleagues and we smokers agree that this non-smoking policy is a good thing. I don’t see why I should impose to my non-smoking friends nd other people in the place anything they prohibit. But we need to see the other side : why should I be banned because of my habit ? and that is why something must be done for us, smokers. We need to find ways to allow us to smoke without disturbing the non-ones and in respect of the law. I already noticed that somes bars created some « area for smokers » outside with heat and tables which I find a very nice attention. Furthermore it gives us the possibility to avoid for a moment noise and conversation you don’t want to follow. So now is created a new way of meeting people because you have no choice than to be together and why not starting the conversation ? I feel it very good and it will become very interesting when the season will turn sunny and warm when the non-smokers will want to come outside. Why don’t we park them inside in their smoke-free places like they wanted it and let us enjoy the warmth of the evening drinking a nice glass of wine and breathing the smoke of my fellows cigarettes ... Petit à petit feu ?

Time for ski

It's officially the New Year. The festivities are over, we ate, drank and partied a lot so now it's time for soup and water. Because A. had to take the train this afternoon I went at the main station Hauptbahnhof and it started to snow.

Snow for the first day of the year