It's reversed

Sometimes you think you know everything, your life is done and you have nothing to learn anymore because you are on your way of no surprises.

Wrong.

You're never out of the way of being surprised and from things very near you. It makes you growing up

Two examples :

The last time I went to the US I needed to make twice for a couple of days stops in New Orleans and its region. And I learned what racism is. Actually for me it was an abstract thing because being borned and raised in Paris I always have been in the middle of multi-cultural scenes. Specially in the north of the city where you're traveling North Africa, Africa, China and some other beautiful countries and culture in less than hundreds of meters just by looking at people, smelling the merchandise at the market, debating a price at the flee market, all of those things and I never felt embarrassed, nervous or not at ease. Only out of my country I had this feeling. I remember feeling so uncomfortable on the streets walking fast only by the look of the people because obviously I was not from there (and I was not in the touristic area neither). I understand why people fight against this because it is a feeling that I really don't wish to experience anymore.

Last thursday I went with some friends in Moebel Olfe. With us was a Japanese who spent some holidays with us and the conversations were about the gaps between our cultures. Of course the language and the writing that are hardly accessible. He said that it tends to get better because now you can find some places where some signs in the street or the public transport are now written with our alphabet. I made them laughed explaining that my first arrival in Tokyo airport was a nightmare because where I thought everybody could speak english, nobody could. Then showing to the taxi driver the address of the hotel he just did not understand what was written on the paper. So I had to go back in the airport, finding some Information point and ask the lady to write down in her writting the address so I can reach my place. And it was a good lesson because I carried on doing this system and I even managed to use metro and bus.

At the same evening while chating I noticed right behind me a group of nice guys apparently having fun all together but without a sound : deafs. I couldn't resist and made some eye contacts with some of them and I was surprised that after a short while they wanted me to share their joint or even to have sex. But it's not what I wanted. I just needed to learn a new language. Because I felt lost. And rejected. They don't have a handicap. I have one because I can't communicate with them when they have so much fun and I don't understand a hand movement. It was late, I went home. End of the story. For this night. Because last saturday after unfructuous way outs (islandic concert ok, club 103 really not my fav) I went back to Kino International because it's a good party, it was already early morning and I can walk back home which is for me something to remember specially lately when the weather is so rainy and icy that the whole center is an ice-skating place. And I met my deaf group again. But they really live in another world or they just don't want you to come in it. Frightened of new sensations or feelings, new experiences ? Or can't I just show I'm friendly and I try to take contact. At this phase I don't really need any science fiction movie to remember how to make smoke signs to express myself, I am in the fifth dimension because It's surreal. And again I just did not know how to handle the situation. Should I concentrate my efforts to only one or try with the whole group. Lucky me I was helped by my good friend M. who's most of the time with me out and he had a little more success to be understood. So I took another glass of wine (I know I shouldn't, it's so bad but I still can't mix) and sit down for a while. I couldn't help thinking how I could handle a relationship. Should I learn hand language (yes, of course), will I be accepted by the group (not that sure), how to handle from my side with my friends (I spontaneously thought what about an evening dinner for which he could not participate when I want sometimes everybody together) ? a lot of questions for which I just have no answer. I tried to explain asking one of the group who seems to be the leader that maybe it could be nice to meet privatly but he refused "saying" that he will stick to the group. In the end man is an animal. He needs to be tamed. So if I ever meet those guys again I guess we'll have to compromise to learn each other and then maybe find a way to communicate.